I stepped off the stage
The lights dimmed
The crowd continued chanting
They wanted me back
All of us.
I looked around at my band mates
Congrats and slaps on the back
All for everyone but me
As I shook off everyone
And turned my back.
Straight back to the bus
I grab some cigarettes
Step outside
Fans are already waiting
Screaming my name and asking for pictures.
I turn my back again and inhale
There's nothing
Nothing but emptiness as I look around.
They all think
I've made such a great impact
I've saved so many lives
But I can't save my own.
They are just faces blurring together
All wanting something
And I'm just a human
Incapable of giving everything.
With the last bit of light on the end of my cigarette
I throw it to the ground
And the light goes out with the crunch of a heel on the cold ground.
I wipe my jaw and turn around
More begging for pictures
For me to walk over.
I look up
Just blurs
And I turn away to go back inside
Where everyone is so cheerful and I'm just an introvert who has "always been this way" so no one seems to notice that my feelings have changed.
I'm not just quiet thinking about the show
I'm not smiling at memories of fans
I'm thinking of how I want to go
By rope by gun by gravity?
I could end it for myself
And no one would notice
Until it's too late
Because I'm the quiet guy
The one who has no feelings.
With a jolt, the bus moves and I sit back.
It's almost time.
