All the Way to Heaven

Chapter 40

He didn't kiss me again. Oh, how I wanted him to kiss me again, but he didn't.

He pulled away from our embrace just enough to bring his hands up on either side of my face. Why is that such an intimate gesture, a guy's hands cupping a woman's face? His eyes searched for something in me, pouring over my features, lingering on my mouth. I couldn't bear the scrutiny any longer and I closed my own. He smoothed my flyaway curls from my face, both hands sweeping back to cradle my head, pulling me close again.

I was so sure he was going to kiss me....

"Breathe, Ani." Paulo's voice came soft and fierce in my ear, his breath on my neck making me shiver.

"I don't know if I can," I admitted.

"You must." He lowered his hands to my shoulders, and then slid them down my arms to twine his fingers with mine. The space between us widened and I filled my lungs with air. I opened my eyes just as he said, "I have wanted to do that since you sat across from me on the train. To kiss you, Ani."

"You didn't even like me on the train."

"What makes you think I like you now?" He grinned and squeezed my hands, and I was glad he didn't let go. I couldn't seem to regain my footing around him, and with my bum leg, I was doubly handicapped.

"You know what? You're right. You're a funny guy." But I wasn't laughing. My body ached with wanting him and he was pulling away from me. What was I doing wrong? I glanced around us at the solitude of the place. We were completely alone. I'd seen a blanket in the truck... and bit my lip hard to suppress that runaway train of thought. I was not that kind of girl, and from what I could tell about him, Paulo didn't seem to be that kind of guy. But I was stunned at the physical intensity between us, and I could not understand why this man was pulling away from me.

"Ani," he began, his voice breaking just the tiniest bit. I turned away from him, from the regret underneath my name, wondering if he could see what was going on in my head as clearly as I could. I pulled my hands loose from his and reached for the edge of the table, turning to lean my hips against it again.

"Maybe I should try the crutches the right way now," I murmured. "Did Isa show you how to make them shorter for me?"

"Ani."

"Please. Please don't say anything, okay?" I didn't want to hear him apologize for what had just happened. If he didn't say it, if we simply pretended like the most amazing moment hadn't just taken place between us, I could keep moving, keep doing whatever it was we'd been doing before the kiss. I'd be leaving soon anyway, I reminded myself.

He crossed his arms and stared at his feet for a long time, as though debating whether or not to speak. Then he turned and gathered up the crutches we'd inadvertently hurled in opposite directions.

He stood not more than two feet in front of me and adjusted the crutches to the right height, tightening the wing-nuts on the handles. I could feel his eyes on me, but I wouldn't meet his gaze. He stayed close, his hands out at the ready, while I maneuvered the crutches into place under my arms. Then he walked backwards as I took a few halting hops toward him, feeling awkward, clumsy, and frustrated. I knew I'd get the hang of them, but not with him so close to me. I couldn't concentrate and kept losing any semblance of a rhythm.

"You're blocking my path, Paulo. I can't get my pace," I finally complained. He moved around to walk behind me... and started chuckling.

"What?" I stopped hopping and twisted to look over my shoulder at him.

"You are covered from head to toe in grass. But I do not think it would be appropriate to brush it off you in front of Mary." He dipped his head toward the shrine and ran both his hands through his hair, lacing his fingers behind his neck as though to keep from touching me.