Drawing Love

18 - Brush Strokes Away

Rose

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked, holding the phone to my face as I worked on comparing paint colors to fabric swatches.

"What are you taking about?" Calum asked on the other end of the call.

"Well, I'm just thinking you've called drunk or hungover more times in the past few months than not..." I trailed off, not knowing how to express my concern for the whole band.

"Rose, please! We are all old enough to handle ourselves," he responded a little annoyed edge to his voice.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I've got to go, I'm working, I'll call later," I said.

"Yeah, okay," he hung up quickly.

I stared at my phone, a prickle of tears burning the back of my eyes. Calum and the guys had not been acting like themselves. I didn't know what I could do though...but I had to do something.

With a little determination, I found Caroline's contact in my phone. I dialed and listened to the two rings before she picked up.

"Rosie!" she greeted me happily.

"Hey! I'm not interrupting, am I?" I asked.

"Nope! What's up?" she asked.

"It's about the boys," I said seriously, "They haven't been themselves lately and I don't know what to do about it...I need your help."

"Thank god I'm not the only one!" Caroline said with obvious relief in her voice.

. . .

     "This is hell," Calum groaned at his camera.

     "Calum," I sighed. We'd been through this a million times.

     "I know I'm just making myself miserable thinking about it, but I miss you!" he looked sadly at me from across the country.

     "I know," I said sadly. We had been talking lightly for hours about our days and were now well into the night hours.

     "It's just that seeing you on a camera screen makes you seem so close but you're a thousand miles away," he looked more frustrated with every word.

     "It's hard, I know, but we won't be away forever," I promised with no basis of actually knowing.

     "If it weren't for band work, I'd come now," he said to me.

     "I know you would," I smiled, "and I would come if it weren't for work."

     "I just wish..." he sighed again. His eyebrows were practically touching in his scrunched forehead and he was looking down.

     I felt pangs of sadness as I watched him struggle with this. We had been separated for four and a half months now. Spring had come to New York and the flowers were springing up everywhere. Trees in Central Park practically exploded with pedals as peoples' window boxes screamed colors. But no matter how beautiful the sights, I couldn't share them with Calum. I was trying my best to appear okay and happy because I knew he needed me to be. He was very upset because he thought it was his fault. He had flown to the states frequently but never New York. Steve crammed their schedule lately and after moving in with Ashton, he really didn't feel like he could leave.

     "I'm sorry Calum," I said softly, trying so hard not to get down. I knew one of us needed to keep optimistic. But seeing him so sad and knowing that he was in the country. I couldn't help it.

     "It's not your fault," he said, still looking down.

     "It's not yours either," I choked on my words slightly. I couldn't stand him being so down on himself anymore! And seeing as I'm a stupid emotional person, of course I started to tear up. I looked down.

     "No, Rose! Oh god, don't cry!" I assumed Calum was looking up now, "I'll come and see you soon, I swear!"

     "It's not that!" I said in frustration.

     "What is it, just tell me," he said.

     "I don't want you to feel responsible or guilty! It kills me to see you beating yourself up like you've done something wrong. I am so happy with you whether or not we are together every second. I don't want you to be so unhappy especially if it's because you think you're doing wrong my me. You are not you make me so happy even where you are," I rushed out as two tears escaped my eyes. I brushed them off and Calum just stared at me.

     "You're not upset that we aren't together?" he asked, like I was betraying him.

     "Of course I'd rather be actually together, but it's not the end of our relationship to not be actually physically next to each other, right?" I asked desperately, "I miss you but I want this. I won't get discouraged by distance."

     "Rose, I'm so sorry, I'm being such an ass!" he said quickly.

     "You're not," I smiled just barely.

     "No I'm focusing on all the bad parts and not even appreciating this," he ran a hand through his hair.

     "This is you getting down on yourself again! Stop!" I begged, "I just want you to be happy." I felt so helpless. This was why I was trying to stay happy, I knew how he would react.

     "Rose?" he asked.

     "Yeah?" I responded.

     "Thanks," he said.

     "For what? All I've done is make you more unhappy," I sighed.

     "You were honest, I can't hold a grudge for that, and you're right," he said, not quite meeting my gaze because he was staring at his screen.

     "I just wish I could make you feel better! It's not your fault, not any of it," I said.

     "You do make me feel better," he said, "Every time I see you face or hear your voice or even just get a message from you, I feel happy! I've been upset because you make me so happy. I didn't phrase that right, but you get the point. I am happy being with you."

     "That's all I want," I smiled.

     "I'm still going to come and see you," he smiled at me, "As soon as I can, I am coming to see you."

     "I'll be here," I said, "Waiting and loving you no matter where in the world you are." I stifled a yawn, I mean, what a mood killer.

     "I'll let you go to bed, sleepy," he laughed softly and my heart soared at the sound.

     "Who's tired, I'm not tired, I could stay up all night talking to you," I said, stretching to wake up.

     "You're sleepy! Go to sleep! Boyfriend's orders," he laughed again and I decided I never wanted to leave.

     "Nope," I told him.

     "Yup! Goodniiiiiiiight!" he said and I watched him reach for his mouse pad.

     "Nooooooooo!" I said and then he signed off. I got out my phone and sent, *Well now you're being an ass."

     *GO TO BED!* Calum responded.

     *Fine! Mr. Pushy,* I sent back, *G'night*

********

Thank you for reading my crap!

Love you guuuuuys! *throws you candies because I love you* *also throws Tums for the stomach aches I'm causing* * stops throwing things because I hit someone in the face*

Okay byyyyyyyeeeeee HAPPY LEFTOVER VALENTINES CANDY DAY <3