Don't Give Up On Us (Valdaya)

Broken

Zendaya's POV

''And the winners and new champions of Dancing With The Stars are... Kellie and Derek.''

After that crucial moment that unwontedly lingered for hours, Tom's announcement left me in a freefall of emotions, reeling.

Val's hand that had rested itself on my hip, comforting me had now vanished, leaving me feeling unsteady and likely collapse at any second. Not knowing what to do, automatically I started clapping, it's what my mature-self knew to be right, although my sixteen year old self wanted to run. Run away from the cameras, from the lights, the clapping and cheering, and from the disappointed faces of my family... And from Val. I wanted to  lock myself up in a room and cry.

I was sure Val was clapping but I couldn't bring myself to turn my face to him. Although he'd probably composed himself, I didn't dare steal a glance at him because I knew there would only be disappointment etched on his beautiful face.

I had failed my fans, my family... but worst of all I had failed Val.

____

The next few moments were hazy...

The crowd were on their feet. The judges were on their feet. Smiles all around. Cheering.  Confetti. Ex contestants. People... there were so many people. And then the mirror ball trophy was thrusted in the air only to be followed by  Kellie and Derek who were hoisted up by Mark and Jakoby.

I couldn't remember much in that moment. I couldn't gather every emotion I was feeling, but I knew my whole body was lanced with pain and was packed full of tears about ready to flood the stage.

I had to get out.

____

There was no time for a quick breakdown, immediately I was dragged into interviews. I could only stomach two as rehashing the crowning moment only brought back the need to cry. For a while I felt truly lost, no one was with me and familiar faces just seemed to pass by.

I had only briefly seen my family and I hadn't even seen Val since the announcement. Maks whisked him away- probably to comfort him. It was a stupid and selfish thought, but for a moment I was angry that Val hadn't comforted me, embraced me or told me that, 'everything would be okay my little Dayachka' in his frustratingly soothing Russian accent. There was nothing. No Val. No words of comfort and I was experiencing a whirlwind of emotions.

But after my little internal outburst, I remembered this must have been as hard on Val as it was on me; probably even more so. He'd invested so much time in the show and in me- I mean he took on a sixteen year old, who could have easily been some brat (which he thankfully stated ''wasn't the case'' with me) but he stuck it out, he made me a better dancer and showed the world his true choreographing skills.

In that moment I wanted to tell him how proud I was of him, and how much I valued this experience... and how much he meant to me... how deeply I feel for him. (I couldn't vocally express that last bit but I wanted to.)

I was now a girl -wait young woman -on a mission. I had to find Val and tell him.

____

I spent a good hour looking for Val; talking to people as I went and getting stopped by my little fans and Z-swaggers. It partially lifted my mood. I talked to my family and friends for a while, and they engulfed me in some much needed love and affection. With a heavy heart I was close to crying, I really wanted to let it all go and sob into my mum's reassuring arms that were wrapped tightly round me but that wouldn't have helped... maybe momentarily, but in that moment I really just wanted to be held by my partner. My Grouchy pants.