Don't Give Up On Us (Valdaya)

Confessions

How did he know I was here? Was my first thought and why had he picked that specific moment to find me? I was vulnerable, upset and looking like a mess. Gahh!

Neither of us said anything for a moment. I couldn't tell if he was angry or not so I chose to stop looking at him altogether. I looked at the mirror, at my hands, the exit door, and anywhere else in order to avoid his tantilizingly green eyes.

''Babe please look at me, you're killing me here,'' he said in a wounded voice. He inhaled sharply as I finally allowed him to see my face. He probably thought I looked a mess.

''I know I look a mess Val, you don't need to...''  I chocked and tried to suppress my urge to cry. I tried again, ''I was just in here trying to..'' Immediately Val was at my side wrapping his arms around me, trying hush my tears but it was too late, the dam had burst allowing my tears to fall freely.

This is what I wanted all night, to cry into his arms and be comforted by Val. For a moment I gave in, completely let Val's sincerity consume me but then I remembered everything that had happened that evening: losing the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy, and losing a friend in Val. Did he really think that of me? Val's earlier explosion of anger found its way back into my head...  'SHE, is a kid, what would I want with a sixteen year old kid ?' I suddenly felt sick. More forcefully than intended, I pushed Val back. Val looked confused and a little hurt.

''Z, what's actually upset you today? ...Was it losing out on the mirror ball, what happened with Kelly? Or was it what I said... Was it me Z?'' Val said reaching out for my hand. I pretended not to notice the gesture and looked down at my feet.

I thought for a minute, opened my mouth and closed it again. I couldn't tell him what really had upset me so I went to say something but was stopped when Val said, ''Don't tell me it was just the Mirror Ball trophy, Daya because I won't believe you... tell me the truth.'' He added gently, he knew I was about to spin him off some rubbish.

Could I really tell him though? He might freak out, he already had someone drunkenly confessing their love for him tonight... he didn't need it from a sixteen year old 'kid' too.  I shuddered as Val's harsh words once again entered my mind.

''Z tell me,'' he tried again, softly.

With my head down I uttered my thoughts before I lost my nerve, ''You act so different around me when we are in rehearsals and off camera, you know? You make me feel, you know... mature beyond my years and I actually believed that you liked hanging out with me. But as soon as we're here, back on camera or in front of friends or family, you're the Val from back in week 1; all serious, restricted... and age appropriate.'' I briefly looked up, ''Am I really just a kid to you?'' I breathed, not sure if I should have said all of that. Val looked stunned at my confession.

 ''First off, I do like hanging round with you Daya, I love being around you and I've told you that many times in rehears–''

I cut him off, ''Yeah backstage Val, behind the scenes where no one can see us.'' Immediately I  wanted to take that back at the sight of his wounded expression.

''But you know I like hanging out with you. You can't be annoyed at me because I don't express it as much when we're in front of people. I mean com'mon Daya, what would they think if they knew? – If they saw us cuddled up during our breaks in rehearsals or if they knew how great I feel around you or what I actually felt for you.'' Val seemed slightly angry, ''They'd lock me up Zendaya! And I wouldn't see you full stop.''

''What do you mean, how you feel for me? As I remember you said in front of Maks and Kelly that you had no feelings for me whatsoever– that I was sixteen. I know I'm sixteen Val, I was there! Everyone is always stating the obvious and pointing out our age difference but I still have feelings, and well you calling me a kid... well, that hurt!'' I blurted out, growing increasingly angry.