Bully.

Different

After my whole encounter with the girls at lunch earlier today, I still couldn't believe I told them all those things about me. Those things were very personal and I just told them. What's wrong with me? I hardly know those people and told them about my mother, I promised my self when my mom passed I wouldn't tell anyone about her, just the people I trusted.  

I broke my promise to myself and now I feel terrible. I even told them about my dad, my mouth has had a mind of its own for a few days...

I was now home from my walk from school, I opened the door and headed upstairs. Like usual nobody was home and this house was dying. This house didn't feel right, it felt depressing and lonely. When my mom was alive she would always make this house so cheerful and always had a nice spirit. She was actually the one who picked this house, and when she died its like the house died with her. This house was a part of her and our whole family, and I guess it just meant more to me then anyone else now.

I was now writing in my diary, I was a little old for a diary but writing was the only way I could write how I feel and everything going on with my life. It was like I was telling someone how I felt but I wasn't. I wrote about the first day of school, how I had my encounter with Kelly and Sean. I wrote about how I saw Henry again, and that I was terrified as hell. I wrote about Sophia and her friends..thinking about it, it's only been two days and I've already experienced a lot.

As I grabbed my iPod I placed my headphones in my ears, I put my favorite song 'Hummingbird' by Nevershoutnever, I laid down on my bed starring at the ceiling. Usually when I was at my house I would just stare at my ceiling listening to music, thinking about whatever popped into my head. Right now I was thinking about Sean, I kept imagining his beautiful eyes, then I remembered about our conversation this morning. I was happy that Sean was being nice to me but I just got so frustrated. No guy in my entire life has been as nice to me as he was, why me though? He probably did feel bad for me. No matter how much I actually want to be friends with him.. I can't, I have to avoid Henry as possible and being friends with Sean will ruin everything.

It's already midnight and I've just been lying down doing nothing. It was like this everyday, I didn't mind I was alone everyday I just missed how it was when I was younger. Everyone would be at the house, not one person wouldn't be home. My sister would always do my hair and pick my outfit. My dad would always have something planned for the whole family to do everyday. My mother, she was the perfect mom. She would teach me new things everyday, I learned a lot because of her. Honestly because of my mom I'm still alive, many times I've thought about killing myself, but every time I thought about it I heard my moms voice telling me to 'be brave and to stay strong'. I knew I was alive for a reason, and I didn't want to waist my life on being bullied.

********

*Beep* Beep* Beep*

As I was awoken by my alarm, I got out of bed still half asleep. I took a nice warm shower and still couldn't open my eyes. When I got out of the shower I blowed dried my hair and put my hair back in a ponytail. I put some mascara, and a little bit of eyeliner to pop out my eyes. I added some blush on my pale skin, I was still in my robe so now I needed an outfit.  

I was still unsure if I should wear a plaid shirt again, maybe I should try something new. I grabbed a white tank top and a navy blue cardigan, I opened my closet to get my jeans and Shoes. I didn't know what shoes to wear, it was between my converse and my toms, since I was trying new things today I grabbed my toms and put them on.

I jogged downstairs and grabbed everything I needed for school, I grabbed an apple and headed outside in the direction I usually take.Today I felt different, I wasn't sad and I wasn't happy, I felt confident, and it was a weird feeling that I've never felt before.