Do it.
No. I shouldn't.
No one would care.
I still don't want to.
Don't you want this to be over?
Yes.
This is the only way.
I've dealt with this for four years now, I'm fine.
Exactly! Four years!
...
Don't you want the pain to be over?
Yes.
Then do it.
But-
No but's. Think about how this'll help.
Who would it help?
Everyone. They don't need you. You're nothing.
Mom calls you names,
Crazy.
Useless,
Worst of all.
Hurtful.
They feel like you hate them.
Did you ever think about that?
...
No. Typical of you.
That's why you should do it.
You
Are
Crazy.
Even mom said so.
And "Mother knows best" right?
...
Fine. I'll do it.
I got into the kitchen grab the ibuprofen and other medicine bottles. I couldn't take it anymore. My mom was calling our roommate crazy but, we were the same. If he was as crazy and sick as she said wouldn't I be just as crazy and sick? So I stood there in the kitchen taking pills while my mom, aunt, and sister were all on the other side of the wall listening. I wonder, did they hear the drawer opening? Could they not hear the bottles rattling? I don't know what answer would be best. That they were so oblivious about me that I wouldn't do anything or that they didn't bother to find out. Sometimes not knowing is better. After two hours that's when I felt the urge to throw up. I knew it was bound to happen, I just didn't know that the urge would be that strong. I knew that the only way to die was once the medicine caused kidney failure, I was going to die. I was completely ok with that. I couldn't keep holding it in and i throw up. It kept going all night. It never stopped. I vowed that I would never do that again because it was the worst pain ever. And I never did. The next day was Monday and my mom found out from the school. One of my friends told their mom then she told the school and so on. It only got worse. My mom yelled at me and was mad at me for a long time. I didn't care. I didn't care if I ended up hurting her feelings. For so long I only ever thought about her and my sister but it was finally time for me and they couldn't give me that. They expected it to be all ok but it wasn't. The worst part was that they only showed me coldness and that. I regretted throwing up. I don't have regrets but that day I sure did. For the longest time it wasn't only my mom and my sister who couldn't forgive me it was myself also. For not dying.
