Disgrace

Scarred

Ok to everyone who is reading this--although based on AbhayPiya--; this concept is not just a story --it's a concept I felt in dire need to write n post. You can say--incidents from what's going around us, has forced me to---
I wrote it down just now---like I said I had to.
Also as I wrote it now so it's not edited---in case if there are any spell or grammatical errors then please forgive me.

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Chapter 1

I was basking...rolling n delving -I was breathing life! I was in the forte of a happy existence!
I was everything a normal happy girl happens to be...

Everything in life was beautiful n blissful...

But everything changed and suddenly I was here...sitting in this room...far away from my house...family...
I have no one now or perhaps no one wants to remember me.
Can I tell...I want to remember either?

If I had a choice---

Only I don't have a choice.

The hands--ohh!! they were grasping me once again---
The disgusting odour of a manly --or should i call it devilish? Its scent sickening me--- my lungs---ohh...I feel congested...
Only if I could throw it out-----

Only if i----

Is somebody there---?? Please! please---help...save me!

Help me save the one thing I treasure most-"dignity"- my dignity!

SAVE ME--- SAVE ME----PLEASE------------

The cry surpassing the wind---tearing the heart of the ones that heard---ripping her own soul---crossing every barrier; transcending every limit; reached some place; where it was felt---and the sky broke down; pouring it's irrevocable pain----drenching---the earth with irrevocable sorrow....

I realised his hands on my arm---
The wounds were still raw---
They still bleed---

No--don't misunderstand my words--I'm not being emotional----I don't have emotions anymore---
It's the deep---holes---hand-made ; as they say---tissues badly damaged---so they bleed---yes still after 10 days---3 hours--they still bleed.

And when they do---the events flash in front my eyes on their own. I don't have to try---they are so kind---not to leave me---ever---that they give me company---even if I dn't want it.

And that is when I yell---I shout---anything that could suffice the pain inside---I try them all---

It hardly makes a difference though.

Surprising is it? how I remember everything? but No--when it happens, you do remember everything---every single hour---every minute of it---it just gets suffused into your soul----
So yes---that's my badge now--my badge of shame----so they say!

But I refuse---I refuse to accept it. -it is not me--; it's them---each one of them---they labelled me----!

And it's him---he-- who did this to me----led me into a life of disgrace-----!

Only it does not end there----it chokes----slaughters----

And what is left is my bruised soul----!

That is when he comes---hearing me yell---he comes----

I am awake---for when do I ever sleep?
I was awake, surrounded with my living nightmares---

And that is when I felt his arms around me----taking my haggard frame into his safe envelope.
It might sound strange; but I don't care even when I know most of my skin is not covered. The parts that says I am a woman---have no cover. Nothing is concealed---yet---yet I feel no harm---no fear---his touch reminds me of my brother----my brother who has died in trying to save me.
Even sometimes their gentle hold remind me of my Mother!

I know it might sound unbelievable---even impossible---but the one who has gone through the most brutal fate of life--one who has known what it means to be bruised right into the soul- is me! I am the one who knows a touch---any touch--and its meaning-!
And it's me who is saying this and you have to believe it because it's no one else but Me!

And I'm saying I feel safe---when I sense his arms around me---pulling me -where I can let everything out that is inside--tearing me apart--I could hardly breathe. ..

And that is when I start to cry----
There's hardly any sound---except the silent tears that slid down my face----
Not because of the bruises those remain exposed from my half naked skin----no not because of the bleeding---

Those are from the wounds I can't show----

ahh...'' I cry out of the sudden pain as he tries to make it stop with a piece of cloth.

It's him---I don't know who he is---except that he comes---reaches whenever either the physical ache or the inner-plague elevates----I find him here---always---

The physical pain; he cannot stop no matter how much he tries-- neither what happens to me inside---!

But I can say this---
his arms give me what I have tried to reach many times---when I went through it...

I still search for it when deep inside--I bleed--perhaps the kind hands of god---is what I look for---which I did not find of course---

----but that was before I found him!

And no matter how ridiculous it may sound, I shall still say---

Yes--! he is no less than a god to me!

For days I did not know his name---he was just a face---a face of compassion---with two exceptional blue eyes-; full of kindness.

That's all I knew about him---that's all I cared to know---

Although I know who he is---I know what he is called---now I know his name---he'd one except being the one I believed him to be as.

---Abhay---it was Abhay.