It's like I'm not even in control of my own emotions. I can be fine, but in a split second I'm ready to punch holes in my wall. And I don't even have a decent reason for being upset. I'm thrown into a violent rage, and I can't control myself, it's like I'm watching myself go on a tirade, but I don't know how to stop it. I'm the audience in my own head. And I get so angry that I start to cry. I hate myself so much for not being able to control my own feelings. And then I get so sad that I can't eat or do anything productive. I can't even stand up. I fall against the wall if I'm lucky, or fall to the floor if I'm not. And then, after this wonderful display, I'm so drained that I can't feel anything for the next few hours, sometimes days. I just get cold and sleep. And the best part is, I can't tell my father, because he doesn't believe in depression. I can't tell my mother, because I don't want to worry her. I can't tell my friends, because they have their own problems. I can't tell a therapist, because I don't go to one anymore, as per order of my father.
