You're Still The One

Prologue

Prolouge

6 days ago. anim na araw na ang nakalipas pero hindi ko pa rin makalimutan ang nangyari. a scenario that broke me into pieces. why of all people, why him? i love him so much. and i miss him that much. the way he laugh, the way he smile, he talk and the way he loves me so much. why? I cant live without him. yes pag inlove na inlove ka talaga sa isang tao masasabi mong I cant live without him. kayo ba ganun? kasi ako oo.

"Nikka"

my mom calling me, four times already but I'm just ignoring her. why she can't understand that I want to be alone right now.

"Nikka, tatlong araw ka nang nagkukulong sa kwarto mo. your not also eating your meals, do you want to die?" yes mom i want to die so that I can follow him in heaven. so that we can be together again.

"Nikka" hindi ko na namalayan na nakapasok na si mama sa loob ng kwarto ko. he sat beside me while I'm laying down in my bed hugging my pillow given by Him. hugging this pillow so tight feel like his with me.

"Baby, please, dont be like this, Philip will be sad if he will saw you like this"

yeah I'm hoping that he could see me like this so that he will come back to me. beacuse I need him. so badly.

"don't be like this Nikka, I'm here, were here for you, your dad, your kuya and your friends" but I need Philip too. can't they understand the fact that It's hard for me to live without Philip?

"mom please, I will go outside, just give me time, just leave me alone" naramdaman ko nalang na nagbuntong hininga si mama at saka ako hinalikan sa noo ko bago siya lumabas na kwarto ko. at ito na naman ang mga luha ko. I can't stop my tears . dahil naaalala ko na naman siya. mahal na mahal ko siya. just because of that Fucking car accident, nawala ang pinakamamahal ko sa buhay. that day was our day, 3 years anniversary namin, I thought it will be my happiest day because He was planning to propose on me so that i was excited. it was a secret but his sister told me. I'm just waiting to him in the said venue, I'm just waiting just to say yes to him. yes, I want him to be my husband. he was my forever even though we were just 3 years but Damn, i love him so much, we love each other and we want to marry each other. wala naman sa tagal ng relasyon yun eh. ramdam namin sa isat isa na kami na talaga. but the tragic came, he died that time while I'm waiting for him. car accident. I hate, I hate it.

sobra ng iyak ko. hindi ko alam kung ano na nag itsura ko, wala na kong pakialam dahil pakiramdam ko pati ako pinapatay dahil sa pangungulila ko sa kanya. masisisi niyo ba ako kung sabihin ko na siya ang pangarap at inspirasyon ko para mabuhay. why? dahil pinaramdam niya sakin kung gaano niya ko kamahal siya ang laging nandiyan sa akin. even his family, they treated me as their family. lagi kasing wala sina mama at papa. pati si kuya. out of the country sila lagi. ngayon lang nandito si mama dahil siguro hindi niya ko maiwan sa kalagayan ko. alam ko naman na mahal ako ni mama kahit lagi silang wala. pero ngayon wala na siya. napapagod na ko sa pangungulila ko sa kanya. nasanay ako na nandiyan siya kaya nahihirapan akong mag move on. at pakiramdam ko hindi ako makaka pag move on. dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

5 days ago

"what? your will transfer in Baguio?" we're here at the university canteen, I'm with my friend Rowi.

"ate, one slice of strawberry cake and bottled water. thank you" matapos kung umorder ay umupo na ko sa table namin ni rowi. sumunod naman siya nung makapag order na din siya.

"hey Nikka, I'm asking you " say agad niya pagka-upo niya. kanina kasi in-announce ko sa klase na magdadrop na ko at mag-tatransfer na ko sa baguio.

"Rowi you heard it already, why bother to ask it again?"

"my dear Nikka, dahil nawala na si philip kaya ka mag-tatransfer? graduating kana, tapusin mo na dito" no I can't, as long as I'm here entering this school, kahit saan ako tumingin naaalala ko siya. nalulungkot lang ako.