Caring

IX

First -
number; coming before all others in time or order; earliest

It was uncomfortable at first. They were treading through unknown territories, unsure about where the lines were and how the other would respond to certain situations. They got over the initial hurdles eventually. They became closer and began understanding one another.

The first time James held Nadine's hand, it was awkward. Her hand was balled up in a fist and she didn't know how to react to the way his thumb caressed the back of her hand while they walked. The first time James initiated interlocked fingers, it felt foreign to her. It was a strange feeling seeing as her hand fit into his perfectly.

And this thought remains with Nadine, even today, after she's held his hand so many times it no longer feels like it is another person's hand. It is the hand she holds on stage, the hands which feel like reassurance and comfort. Now when James holds Nadine's hand she feels like she can accomplish anything with him by her side.

The first time Nadine kissed James' cheek, it was pure and innocent. They had hardly spoken before so he could imagine how embarrassed she might have been. But the way in which she held herself together and shot the scene perfectly left him in awe. He knew right from that moment that this girl was going places. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine her success being linked with his so greatly.

Thinking back on it now, he finds himself chuckling. He's achieved so much with her and he is so grateful for having her – whatever she was to him. Now the kiss on the cheek or forehead had become a natural part of their relationship. It was more than just a kiss to satisfy fans, or a kiss for the camera – it's their hello kiss and their goodbye kiss. The kiss which screamed that they respected each other. James never envisaged an innocent kiss meaning so much to him but boy, it did.

The first time James put his arm around Nadine's shoulders, it was stiff and weird. She didn't know how but they managed to walk perfectly, like it was second nature to them to be so close to each other.

And second nature is exactly what it has become. She's lost count of how many times James wraps his arm around her, on stage and off. Sometimes he plays with her hair as his hand rests on her shoulder and other times he draws small circles with his fingertips. Most of the time his arm is just there, pulling her in closer to him and protecting her and she relishes in the moments of security. Now his arms around her meant she was wanted.

The first time they hugged, it was clumsy and uncoordinated. They hadn't been so close before but there was a sense of familiarity with her body against his. His arms fit around her silhouette perfectly whilst her hands tightened around his neck. That was the first time he could feel her heart beating against his.

These days their hugs were more familiar than before. James sees them as a sign of their partnership and how comfortable they are with each other. Now, they are close friends and her hugs feel like coming home. It doesn't matter if his hands are tangled in hair or if they are wrapped around her small frame. It doesn't matter if her cheek rests against his or if her head is tucked away against his chest. None of that matters – all that does is that she is in his arms and in that moment he is holding his world.

The first time James shared Nadine's mic while they sang it was surprisingly sweet. Their heads were close together so that his forehead was resting on hers. She was staring into the light brown of his eyes and in that moment she could swear she had never seen anything more beautiful. There was a twinkling in his eyes she could never forget. He looked at her lips instead, wanting nothing more than to taste them. If he had inched a little closer, he would've been able to just brush his lips against hers. That was the first time he wondered how it would feel to kiss her and the first time he cursed himself for not being able to.