The judge {Robert Downey Jr} UNDER EDITING

Fucked up

"Robert's pov"
Leighton had fallen asleep on my lap while we watched a movie.
I was looking at her, when she moved and placed her hand on my thigh.
I stiffened, I hadn't had sex in about 2 months, with Susan never being around and then breaking up.
At that point, I got turned on by the simplest things, and that was one of them. I tried to think of something else, not wanting to be a creep and get turned on by watching her sleep.
Everything she did was hot for me, but we weren't even together, and I didn't want to have sex with her just because I didn't have sex in months.
I focused back on the movie, ignoring her touch. After a while she woke up
"Rob?" I heard and looked down at her.
Her hand was still on my thigh and her head still on my lap.
"I'm cold" she said, I grabbed a blanket from behind me and laid it on her.
It was mid November, and the air was in fact colder. She sat up and now was sitting right beside me.
"Thanks for coming here and checking on me" she said, looking at her hands
"I was already thinking about using again and it was consuming me. If you didn't come by I would of done it, I know myself." I looked at her, ashamed of myself, thinking about my relapse just a month ago.
"Hey it's okay, anytime sweetie. I'm here if you need anything" I said.
We stayed in silence for a bit and then she spoke again.
"When was the last time, you.. You know.. I'm not talking about weed.. Like.. When was the last time you did serious stuff?" she said, having a few problems getting the question out.
I was dreading her asking that, not wanting to lie to her but at the same time I knew I couldn't tell her.
"Maybe more than a year ago" I lied.
She nodded
"You?" I said, closing my eyes, hoping it was the same as me.
"Three or four years ago"
That destroyed me. Then I knew I was bad for her. I wanted to help her but I couldn't when I myself, was struggling to not use all that white powder I had left in my house.
"We can keep each other sober, okay?" she said, breaking me from my thoughts. I looked at her, she looked younger than she was, she reminded me of a scared child, unusually to other times when she looked older and mature.
I nodded, wanting to drop the argument.
"I'm going out on the balcony to smoke a cigarette, okay?" I said, she nodded, her hands shaking.
I slowly walked towards her balcony, and closed the door once I was out.
I looked at the city, lighting up my cigarette. I turned around and saw on the table some finished cigarettes, not knowing Leighton smoked.
I sat down on a chair, defeated, when it started snowing. I threw my cigarette out and called Leighton,
hoping some early Christmas spirit could lighten her up. She came out in the balcony and her face light up.
"It's snowing" she said, giggling.
Her giggle filled my heart and I walked towards her, grabbing her in my arms. I put my hands on her face and pulled her in. Then my cold lips were on her soft and hot ones. It was a small kiss, an innocent one.
"It's gonna be okay" I said, my forehead on hers, trying to convince myself more than her.

A month passed and Leighton seemed to be okay. She had come back to work. I had slept over a few times but we never did anything, we weren't even officially together.
It was the last day of filming before Christmas break, December 20th, when she looked at me, her eyes curious, and popped the question.
"What are we, Robert?"
I tried to gather some words, but I couldn't. I thought about me and my drug problem and her drug problem, and how serious mine was in confront. I thought about telling her the truth, but didn't.
"I don't wanna play games Leighton.
I've been thinking about it, and we seem to need each other more than we let ourselves understand."
I started, she wanted to speak but I continued, breaking the silence.
"Please let me try making you happy, I think I can." I said, she smiled softly at me and nodded. I jumped up and kissed her softly on the lips.
"So, you're mine?" I asked, happy.
She nodded again and smiled.
I kissed her, she fell on the couch of my dressing room and I followed, sitting next to her.
I pulled her closer, our bodies touching.
My breath was getting heavier, her hands tucking on the end of my t-shirt. I allowed her to take it off.
She placed her hands on my chest, I started kissing her neck, not being able to resist. I tugged at her shirt and she took it off, now only in her bra. I looked at her and smiled, and kissed her neck again, feeling myself get harder.
"This is not the best place" She whispered against my neck, giving me  goosebumps.
I looked up at her, she placed her fingers in my hair.
"Does it really matter?" I said kissing her neck.
She put on her shirt. I could see two marks on her neck and knew it was my fault. I smiled, knowing that we didn't need to hide it anymore.
At the end of the day, we were heading out of set when I got a phone call. I read the name on my phone and my happiness dropped.
"We'll talk later okay?" I said to Leighton, kissing her goodbye and walking towards my car.
"Susan" I said, answering the phone.
I heard her sigh and then speak.
"Robert. How are you?" she said, my stomach dropping at her sad tone. I knew what this was about
"What do you want exactly, Susan?"
I thought about her cowardliness, because she could of just stopped me at work instead of calling me.
"It's been two months Robert, let's get the paperwork for the divorce worked out"
Divorce.
The word kept swirling in my mind and I couldn't help but get angry and frustrated.
"Oh sure.How's your guy Susie?" My tone harsher
"How's your girl, Robert? I thought you wouldn't go for girls so young, she's basically your daughter."
"Whatever, Susan." I spat and hung up. I felt a strong need grow in me as I entered my car. I put my head in my hands, tugging at my hair.
I couldn't tell Leighton, she didn't know I started using again. My hands started lightly shaking, like they did when moments like these happened.
I knew I wasn't supposed to drive in these conditions, but I turned on the car and quickly drove home.
I sat on my couch, trying to resist and not cave to the big desire I felt.
Time passed, and cigarettes didn't help anymore. I got up, and headed towards the kitchen. I got a bottle of whiskey and a glass, poring myself some.
Before I knew it, I had basically finished the whole thing.
It was 10pm when my phone rang, Leighton's name appearing on my screen. I had trouble answering, but then i did.
"Leighton!" I said, my voice sounding strange to my own ears.
"Robert? Where are you? What's wrong?" She said in a worried voice
"Babe relax, I'm at home. Nothing's wrong" I said getting up, heading towards the kitchen again, trying to find another bottle.
"Are you drunk?" she said, I laughed.
"Maybe just a little"
Then i fell on the floor, dropping my phone.
I laughed and got up, grabbing it.
"Should I come over?" I heard her say, while I opened another bottle and took a swig.
"No. Stay there." I said, my voice hard. I didn't want her to see me in that condition
"I'm coming over" I heard her say
"No Leighton" I yelled, but she had hung up.
I took another swig from the bottle, the warm alcohol going down my throat, calming my nerves.

I was sitting on my couch, when I heard the doorbell ring.
I stumbled to the door, trying not to fall. I opened it to a worried Leighton.
"Rob, what's the matter?" She said, walking inside.
I shrugged and dropped on the couch again.
"I finished all the whiskey I had in the house. I've got nothing to offer you. Ops" I laughed
She put her hand on my cheek
"Can you please tell me what happened?" she whispered.
I looked at her, and at her pitiful eyes.
Anger started rising in me as I got up from the couch.
"Nothing Leighton! I've told you a thousand times already. Do you hear me or are you fucking deaf?"
I yelled at her
"It's Susan, isn't it?" She said, almost above a whisper.
I laughed, a sarcastic laugh.
"Susan's not the problem anymore,
Sweetie. I am" I said, pointing to my head
"I'm fucked up. And so are you, isn't it funny we found each other?" I laughed, her eyes filled with tears, she looked scared. That's when I got my senses back, and dropped on the couch.
"I'm so sorry Leighton,I didn't mean it" I said, grabbing her hand in mine, but she pulled it away, drying her tears with her sleeve.
"Hey Leigh? I'm sorry, please look at me" I whispered, she shook her head and more tears fell from her eyes.
We stayed in silence, only her few occasional sniffles hearable.
"You're right to be scared of me." I said, looking at my hands.
"Susan was too." I whispered, she didn't answer.
I continued talking.
"My dad, well.. He was an aggressive person. I mean he is a good guy, I love my dad. But he wasn't all good in the head. He used to do drugs a lot, and when he came home late at night was just total panic. My sister Allyson and I used to hide in our rooms, but we heard everything. My father was a mess, and it fell upon my mom. Once I was older, I couldn't take it anymore of hiding. I faced him, and he realized what person he had become. They broke up and went two separate ways. Even though my mom was everything for me, I used to live with my dad a lot, he taught me things. Bad things. He thought it was a way to bond and to make up for his mistakes. He eventually got sober, but I was still caught up. I guess, trying not to be like him, I've become more like than I knew of."
I turned around to look at her, she had stopped crying, even though her eyes were still red.
"I know you're a good guy, Robert." She said, but I was too mad at myself to answer. She grabbed my hand and softly stroke it
"I'm not scared of you. It's okay, we're okay" she said, I looked in her eyes, and nodded. She kissed me softly on the lips
"You're a mess, let's get you cleaned up." She said
My shirt was in fact all ruined, I had spilled the drink on it and on my pants. She pulled my hand and I got up, following her upstairs, trying not to fall. She lead me to the bathroom, knowing my house so well.
"Take a shower, it might help with the dizziness."
I nodded, and took of my shoes.
She stayed close to me, my hand in hers. She got closer and kissed me
"Please stop drinking?" She whispered in my ear.
I nodded again, not knowing what to say. She pulled away, smiled softly at me, and walked out of the room.
Leaving me behind with a big hole in the stomach and dry tears in my eyes.

When I finished getting dressed, I walked in my room. Leighton was under the covers, apparently sleeping. I walked over to her, and knelt down so my face was at the same level as her.
"You sleeping?" I said, she opened her big brown eyes and nodded.
I kissed her forehead and walked over to the other side of the bed. I took off my shirt and pants, knowing I would feel hot, and laid in bed only in my boxers. I got closer to Leighton, hugging her from behind. My chest was touching her back.
"I'm sorry, Leighton. I'll try to be a better boyfriend, I promise." I whispered in her ear. She tangled her legs with mine, and got closer to me.
My abdomen was touching with her butt, but I tried not thinking about it.
"Goodnight, Robert" she said, and with that I dozed off.