Illuminant Noctem (On Hold)

Illuminant Noctem

Amelia-

She drove herself off the bridge. She drove herself off of the fucking bridge because she’s a coward. Because she chose a permanent end to a temporary problem. Because she couldn’t handle losing the person she the loved the most. Well surprise mom, that makes two for me, and here I am, stronger than ever.

***

I took one last walk through the house. Starting on the main floor, I moved throughout the parlor, the kitchen, the living room. Then upstairs, the study, the laundry room before turning to my brother’s room. I quickly opened the door before I could change my mind, and his woodsy scent hit me. His four dark blue walls, while the same color I’d come to love over the years, looked especially lonely today. I wondered if I could do this. I thought about what I needed to get, and went to his closet and removed several flannel shirts and sweaters. I wouldn’t need these where I was going, but I couldn’t bear to leave them behind. Satisfied, I sat on his bed to say my goodbyes.

“Hey Adam...” I trailed off, not sure where this was going. “It’s me, Amelia. I uhm...I miss you. A lot. But at least you’re in a b-better place.” I started sniffling, but I had to finish. “I’m moving in with dad, down south, and it’s going to be warm there. Can you believe it? Me living in warm weather? Even though you were always the one who wanted to go down south.” By now, tears were streaming down my face, but I managed to let out a strangled laugh. “I just wanted to say that I love you, more than you could ever know, especially when I haven’t seen you in weeks. Mom’s there too, but I guess you already know that. Tell her that while I’m still mad at her for leaving, I forgive her. I hope to join you guys soon, you know. No, I’m not going to do anything, so put away that scowl that I know you’re making, but if something DOES happen to me, I’m not going to...you know, stop it.” I laid down and stared at his white ceiling. “I just wanted to say goodbye to you, one last time, and to let you know that I’m doing alri-, well, I’ll get there. But just stay safe okay? I can’t let anything happen to my big brother...again.” I heard a noise outside, and saw dad’s car turn off the street. “Well, dad’s here. I’ve got to go, and finish saying my goodbyes to the house and everything. Take care of yourself bro, I really do miss you.” I got up off his bed and took one last look around closing the door gently behind me.

Finally I made my way upstairs and stopped outside mom’s room. I placed one hand on the solid oak door, the other on the old brass handle. I tried to turn the knob, but stopped when I broke down into silent sobs. This room was even harder to look at then Adam’s. Suddenly I felt his arms go around my waist, and I turned and cried into his chest. Looking up, I could just make out his translucent face. I would miss him. Although I knew he wasn’t real, that he was just a figment of my imagination, I still turned to him for comfort, because unlike everyone else, he didn’t just leave. I stopped crying and walked away from him, towards the metal staircase. It spiraled up in brass to the attic, which used to be my room. I climbed up it’s cold steps, hands draped over the rails. Reaching the top, I pushed open the door to my empty room. I walked over the wall of glass, curtains pulled apart to greet the rising sun. I stared outside at the small creek in the backyard, watching it bubble and spurt water. Minutes passed, and I was finally ready to leave. Almost. I quickly hugged the curtains, the only thing left in the room, and sprinted down the stairs and to the front door. With one last heave on the heavy door, I exited the house for the last time, and made my way to the backyard, heading towards the barn.

Jackson-

Here, there is only darkness. If we want to see, we have to find our own light, and together, chase out these nightmares.

***

She thinks I am fake, imaginary. Little does she know, I am real. I might be considered a ghost, a memory, maybe even a spirit, seeing as no one can see me unless I chose to be seen. Although one thing is for sure, I died on the night of September 28 in the year 1920, but here I am, still “alive” today.