Shower Thoughts

him.

He doesn't ever stick around anywhere for long. I learned that a long time ago, sometimes I forget. I live in my pretend world where he cares enough to stay, or come back when he leaves. And i wonder what my life would be like with him as a constant. What it would be like without the sleepless nights, long cries in the bath tub, and all the time wasted on memories that don't matter anymore. Our past haunts me, and the days I spend trying not to think about him are useless. Everything I see, touch, smell; all of it reminds me of a little aspect of him. I have completely lost myself in everything that makes up this boy. And the worst feeling, the one in the pit of your stomach that you just want to escape, is that he does not know. Any of it. And to fall hopelessly for someone without the intention of ever telling them is the worst kind of love. The pain in your chest when you sit alone, when all that is there to keep you company is the thought of that person, that pain does not go away. Because every time you are alone they slowly creep into all corners of your mind until they choke out all your air. And you're drowning.

Love is not beautiful. It is ugly and jagged and ruthless. It will eat you up and swallow you whole. It will crush you. It will take all the little things that make you happy and suck the life out of them. It will leave you with nothing left, scrounging for something to hold onto that you can call your own. But it is too late. You gave yourself away and now you cannot take it back.

How it feels to be weak.