Beauty from the Broken

Staring

I did not even have time to comprehend all that was going on, let alone think to duck, run, or something, when BAM!! This ear piercing sound went off, and as soon as it did my hip felt like it was on fire. I feel to the ground, plates and pieces of half eaten food went everywhere, people started yelling but I couldn’t figure out what they were saying because I was too focused on the fire and intense pain that was going from my hip down my leg and up my side. All I remember next is waking up in the ambulance and seeing Spencer’s face with tears running down her checks.

“MOTHER FUCKING SHIT! OWW! WHATS WRONG WITH MY LEG???!!!”

[Spencer] “You were shot”

It all came flooding back to me the anger on his face the other man diving to the side right as the bullet was shot. I started crying and shaking so hard either I passed out again or the medics put me under, because the next thing I can remember is waking up with bright lights in an extremely white ceiling.

Where am I? What is that taste in my mouth? What is on my leg?? I looked down and saw my leg was strapped down to the bed…Huh?? WHATS GOING ON????!!!

“Taylor? Are you awake?”

I looked up only to find my,what looked to be a hospital room, filled to the brim with people! My parents, siblings, grandparents, tons of extended family, Spencer, Amy….WAIT Spencer? Oh my god! For the second time it all came back to me, the shooting, the ambulance ride.  I opened my mouth to speak only to find that my mouth was so dry I couldn’t even form enough saliva to form words.

My cousin Maddie handed me some water. Once I had drank about half the bottle, I finally felt as if I could talk.

[Me] “Hey everyone...why yall look so worried? You look like someone has been shot or something?” I said sarcastically

The doctor came in right then and asked everyone but family to leave…when about 10 people stayed he looked to me with a look that just said “it's up to you, I guess”  

[Me] “Umm, could you guys give me a minute? Wait Mads can you stay please?”

Mads and me are almost exactly the same age, just three weeks apart. We both were interested is the same things growing up so we grew to be more like sisters than second cousins.

[Mads] “Of course Taytay”

So I will spare you all the extremely big words and boring speech that the doctor gave and just give you the facts.

1.         It is a miracle in itself that I am alive. Apparently the bullet was just inches away from hitting a major blood vessel.

2.         It is another miracle that I can actually feel my leg.

3.         It will take another miracle for me to ever move my toes, let alone walk again.

Seeing as how I have already used up more than my share of miracles, the doctor seems to think that me walking will not happen in this lifetime. I don’t know when Maddie moved to next to me or when she slipped her arm around me…I just know that as soon as the doctor was done talking, Mads wrapped her other arm around me and pulled my head into her shoulder. She knew I hated crying in front of people. It makes me feel weak.

No, I did not start crying. I know that’s what you were thinking…surprised? Yeah, me too. I just found out I was never going to be able to move my toes again, walk, run, play my beloved game of soccer, dance, or do anything physical again in my life. Yet for some reason I just couldn’t cry. Maybe it hadn’t sunk in yet? Or maybe it just wasn’t the time for me to let those emotions out. I guess we will never know, but what I do know is that as soon as he said those life altering words; I did not feel sad, I felt empty…and lost.

“Hey Mads?” I said sounding all funny because I was still being held into her shoulder.

[Mads] “Yeah Tay?” She said letting my head go

“I would like to just kinda be alone right now if you don’t mind? Could you please just tell everyone to  come back tomorrow morning?” She looked at me with a very worried expression

“I promise if I need anything AT ALL I will call or text you k?”

[Mads] *SIGH* “Alrighty, if your sure that’s what you want?”

“Yeah…I’m sure”

[Mads] “k, well then I will see you in the morning. I love you cus….”

“Love you more Mads”

After Mads left I spent the rest of the night just staring at the ceiling.