Maroon Sweater (Immortalanex fanfiction)

26. What Being Broken Feels Like

Better Off - Filous

//

So much for quitting smoking.

Aleks ducked his head and handed the cashier a couple of bills, stuffing his unopened pack of Marlboros into his hoodie pocket. He cringed internally when he remembered this hoodie wasn't actually his, and three weeks later it still had the smell of Kevin's mahogany-scented cologne all over it.

"You alright?" The cashier, a pale girl with purple hair and thick eyeliner asked. She raised a thin and obviously-drawn on eyebrow.

"Yeah," Aleks answered. "Kind of."

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"I'm supposed to card you," she said. "Because you look 12 fucking years old."

Aleks gulped.

"But it's been a slow day, my boss is a pain in the ass, and you look like you could use a break -"

A break.

" - so I'll let it go. Have a good day!"

"Thanks," Aleks muttered. He swivelled and left the convenience store.

//

His phone was bombarded with text messages and missed calls. Half of him wished Kevin would leave him so he could be depressed and grieving all by himself. The other half of him cried for his warm touch - he didn't want Kevin to stop texting and calling him.

Because, a deep part of him knew, that the texts would get shorter and less urgent. The calls would be cut off before they could go to voicemail. And, eventually, they would stop altogether. And when that stopped - so would Kevin's feelings. It would mean he didn't care anymore. A hot tear slipped down Aleks' cheek.

Did he regret breaking up with Kevin? Yes.

Would he take him back? Probably not.

He couldn't take it. It wasn't just the drama circling their parents' messed up relationships - if Shelley really married Andrei, in some sick twisted way Aleks and Kevin would be step-brothers - but Kevin himself.

A deep internal part of him was kicking and cursing for the lies and promises. Kevin couldn't really change from his bad, nonchalant, playboyish ways. Aleks took a deep drag of his cigarette. He'd always be that kind of boy — it's in him, literally.

He must get it from his dad, Aleks thought bitterly. How dare he talk to Lauren, how dare he be with her. How dare he kiss her.

//

"Dude, you fucking smell," Eddie wrinkled his nose upon entering Kevin's room. "Your whole room smells like a burnt asshole."

"Thanks," Aleks muttered, opening a window.

"So..." Eddie fiddled with his fingers. "How are you?"

"Bad."

"Oh Aleks," Eddie wrapped his arms around Aleks' small frame. His eyes watered from the overwhelming smell of smoke but he hugged his best friend tighter.

"Ed-Eddie," Aleks whimpered, pressing his face into Eddie's shoulder. "Oh, man, it hurts."

"Hey, hey," Eddie rocked his small friend in his arms. "It's okay."

"No it's not Eddie," Aleks choked, hot tears stinging the corner of his eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

The two of them laid down on Aleks' bed. Aleks let out a long sigh and reclined his head on Eddie's lap.