Up, Up and Away

21// heavydirtysoul

21// heavy dirty soul

   WALT is most probably on the way to getting drunk. When Ana caught him doing Holly's tricks to sobriety during a party, she urged him to take one real shot. Then, another. And another—until his senses dulled.

   Everything is blurry, with edges so soft that he wants to cuddle up in them and sleep. He rubs his face, unfamiliar with this grogginess. He's used to everything being so clear—crystal clear. He used to fear the moments when he didn't wear his glasses, the uncertainty scared him. He liked to know everything, to have a clear understanding of everything. Because if he's to end up waking and sleeping alone, he'd better do it with enough intellectual depth to drown in. That was until now.

   Now, well—simply put: Walt is on top of the world. His heart is bleeding out into the red plastic cups and he is chugging, chugging, chugging to make its metallic taste fade away. He sees a beautiful girl, one with enough beauty to replace the oxygen in his lungs. He isn't sure if he's choking or learning how to breathe, but the feeling is definitely unforgettable.

   Walt isn't a nerd anymore. He knows it, the people cheering him on during beer pong know it, his girlfriend knows it. He isn't some kind of loser, getting beaten up everyday. He is fucking cool. He listens to good music, doesn't cough when breathing in cigarette smoke, has a gorgeous woman in his life that showed him that kissing wasn't only made to be done on the lips.

   He feels his stomach protesting the alcohol and excuses himself to the bathroom, vowing not to puke right there and then. There, he leans against the toilet. He wonders why even the guest bathroom is so fancy in this place, everything is meticulously placed, every decision calculated. Perhaps the alcohol is making him confused, because he sees his reflection in the toilet water.

   Not his current reflection, but the one that tormented him for 16 years. Glasses, acne scars and a judging look. The boy in the water is disappointed to the bottom of his core, but the one staring at it is simply confused.

   "Wrong picture," Walt mumbles. He knows he looks better than this now, he is better in every way than this guy. He isn't the same guy who researched the possibility of there being another planet further than Pluto for an entire Christmas break and didn't sleep for 90% of that period. He isn't the same guy who saw every A+ as an accomplishment, or the one who argued with Holland for two hours about why Einstein was exactly like him.

   "Wrong person," the reflection says, and Walt hears his own voice in his head. "What have you become? Can you recognize yourself?"

   Walt blinks. "I'm better than you ever would be. I'm happy." He blinks again, and the only thing in the water is sparkling water and puke. He wipes his mouth and heads back to the party.

   He is, really, happy. He is whole.

   Being whole also meant not taking anyone's crap, Holly taught him that. He knows how to fight, how to hurt people. Physically and with words, but only to defend himself. Holly had almost smacked the back of his head when he considered the idea of going to beat up his bullies. Only fight when your peace is disrupted, she said. The moment you lose that sanity, you lose your dignity and this world will never respect you.

   Although, being under the effect of alcohol messes everything you know up. You are loose, free, wingless in a cloudy sky. You just aren't quite sure if you're bouncing from cloud to cloud, or free falling from space to asphalt. Much like loving Ana.

   Walt steps out of the bathroom, frantic to find his girlfriend. God, he loves calling her his girlfriend. Ana is his girlfriend. His. She is his. He sees her talking to Dave, one of the all-stars at making his old life hell. He immediately rushes to her side, stares at Dave in the eyes.

   "What do you want?" He asks, arm around Ana. He turns to her, "is he bothering you?"

   "No, Walt—" she giggles and falls a little deeper into his chest. "He's my frrrrrriend."

   "Yeah, Walt," Dave says, clearly amused by the situation. "I'm her friend. Doesn't that mean that I'm your friend too?"

   Walt's hands are shaking. "Never."

   "C'mon, Walt. We're friends, right?" Walt takes a step back, as Dave takes one step forward. Ana is far away now, on another planet, far, far away from her boyfriend.

   "No."

   "Tell me though, what happened? You put a little bit of gel in your hair and now you think you're cool? What happened—please do tell. Or was it that emo chick, did she let you find out what a girl's body looks like?"

   "Shut up, Dave. Shut the fuck up," Walt is doing his best to not run away, to not succumb to the weakness he'd grown used to.

   The boy shoves Walt as he speaks now, and no one in the crowd has realized that the party is about to end. "You think you going out with a girl makes you any different? You're still a coward, a measly little rat that thinks he's getting anywhere—"

   That's when Walt starts punching him. Dave becomes the punching bag Winona told him to destroy, once upon a time. Walt is much smaller than Dave, but the shock that he provided gave him the advantage he needed. He had enough muscle to make Dave bleed, and when the latter trips over a table of drinks and fell, Walt keeps hitting him. He is insulting him, spitting out enough curse words to make his mother faint. He punches and punches, like he's got nothing to lose.

   Walt sees blood after a few seconds, both Dave's and his, because the football player made every punch break something in Walt's face.

   Soon, Walt doesn't see anything at all.

-

no, he didn't go BLIND!!! HONESTLY PEOPLE

Let me just tell you that everything is just going downhill and if you don't want to see Walt and Holly not being all happy and sarcastic and all, you should stop reading. For real. TAKE CARE LOVE YOUUUUU. 

ps. holly has been fighting with his brother. walt fought dave. who will they fight next? (ps. the answer rhymes with this)