Middle Earth Oneshots + Imagines

Fili and Kili - Dibs

You stand to the side of the banquet hall, waiting for someone to need attending to.

Your head lifts from staring at the floor when Prince Fili speaks to you. "Excuse me, Miss? Could you please fill my goblet?"

You nod and go to him, pouring ale into his goblet from your pitcher. Prince Kili, sitting next to him, looks up at you from his seat and gives you a sly grin. "Mine, too, if you wouldn't mind."

You nod again, though your eyes are slightly widened and you're face is flustered.

Prince Fili cocks his head to the side. "Why do you look so surprised, Miss?"

You hesitate to answer, but you finally decide to just tell him the truth. "Because you're being polite. It is not common for drunk men to show manners to a serving girl." You shrug as you finish filling their goblets.

Prince Kili chuckles. "We aren't quite drunk, Miss. Yet."

You smile a little, but your expression deadpans when you hear another man call you.

"Hey, serving wench! Get over here and do your job, you lazy whelp."

You raise an eyebrow, your expression saying, "My god, you're an idiot." You look over at the Princes and smirk. "Exibit A," you say and turn to face the rude dwarf who called you. Your face is innocent and sweet as you could possible make it, seeming almost as if you enjoy serving such pigs, and you walk over to him.

He holds out his goblet to you, completely ignoring you as he continues to talk to those around him. You see Fili and Kili staring at the man with contempt out of the corner of your eyes.

Suddenly, you pretend to jolt, spilling a bit of ale on the rude man's expensive, embroidered tunic. Immediately you sculpt your expression to one of guilt and horror.

"Oh, I am so terribly sorry! I didn't mean to do that. I can be such a clutz!" You pull a towel from your apron and start to pat down the wet spot on his pot-belly. "Let me help you with that."

Again, you see Fili and Kili out of the corner of your eye, though this time you see that they are trying to conceal their smiles.

You smirk, but quickly hide it so the rude man doesn't see. "Oh, no! It appears it will stain. I've ruined your tunic. And it looks so expensive. I'm so sorry! They'll have my job for this!" Your eyes go wide and you shreak in a shrill voice, "They'll have my head for this! Oh, please, sir, could you ever forgive me?"

The Princes are now grinning ear to hear, only barely holding in their chuckles. Their shoulders are shaking with the pent-up laughter. You continue to panic, purely for the Princes' entertainment now.

"(Y/n)!" You turn to find the head of the maid staff glaring at you.

"Yes..., Ma'am?" You pretend to look nervous but this was all part of the plan.

She narrows her beady eyes at you. "You useless creatures! How could you have been so clumsy? To the kitchens with you! Wash the dishes. It'll be a long time before you are allowed to serve again!"

Internally, you smirk, but on the outside your eyes widen in sorrow. "Oh, but this is a punishment I cannot bare!" Prince Fili snorts (in a most undignified manner), and it is quite obvious the Princes know you're faking by their bursts of laughter, which they could no longer contain

The head maid spews spit at you as she speaks. "But bare it you shall!"

You shake your head, bringing fake tears to your eyes. You whirl around and kneel next to the rude man's chair. "Please, sir, don't let her do this! Please, get her to let me stay! Oh, find it in your heart to forgive me, I beg of you." You let a false tear slide down your cheek.

The man looks at you in disgust. "To the kitchens, wench!" He nearly screams the words in your face, and you stand up quickly, pretending to be afraid.

You nod slightly, looking terribly disappointed, and start to walk off. You see the Princes chuckling and smiling at you, and you wink.

"(Y/n)." You hear the head maid call you again, and you turn around to face her.

"Yes, Miss?"

"Leave the pitcher." You look at her as though she just told you your dog died, and you look over the pitcher fondly.

"Must I le-"

"I said leave it!" She hollers the words at you as loud as a cave troll. You nod sadly and walk back to the table, setting it down. Slowly you turn around, wipe a fake tear from your cheek, and take a deep breath. You then walk again, heading out of the banquet hall. When you are past the head maid, your sad expression drops and you smirk. Your dejected stumble turns to a full on strut and you literally turn heads as you leave the room, Fili and Kili watching you leave, their eyes hanging on every step you take.

When you are out of sight, they turn back to face the front, wide grins still on their faces. Simultaneously, they turn to look at each other and speak at the same time.

"Dibs!"