Words

WORDS ~ Chapter 14

THIS CHAPTER MAY BE TRIGGERING.

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My worst nightmare, my biggest enemy, the one person I despise the most in this disgusting, cruel world. Why the HELL is Lauren here? I realise I'm gripping onto Adam's hand extremely tightly, and drop it as if it's on fire.

I moved away. I got away from the hell hole. School. THIS GIRL MADE ME SUFFER FOR MONTHS. But I got away. I moved away from her. Her and her friends, the ones that tortured me, mad my life harder than it already was.... but now she's back. And she's standing in front of me?!

I thought my life was turning around. Obviously, my depression is still here, to some degree, but at least it's not as bad as it was, when I was taunted by girls at my school every single freaking day. Apparently God hates me. First my sister left, then my dad, then my mum, and now.. I want to leave. I can't do that, I know. But I just feel like there's no point in being here.

Why does this world despise me so much?

Adam's confused face quickly changes to a glare at Lauren, as he realises that I am not happy with this situation.

I notice another figure appear in the distance, heading towards the gate. As he gets closer, I realise it's Seth. Great, flipping great. Why? Why today? I was having a great day. Probably the best day I've had in a few years.

As Seth reaches the front door, he kinda looks anxious to see me. I'm really not sure what's going on here.

"Hey Amy... how are you? I wasn't expecting to see you..." he stares down at his feet whilst talking to me. Little bit awkward there.

"Yeah, Seth, I'm good I guess." I mutter, with a weak smile.

I really should find out what's going on with him, but maybe another time. I have much bigger problems to deal with right now.

Like eating disorders, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, the fact that I have no direct family left, and no family that I see.... and my bullies are standing at the front door.

"So.. aren't you going to let us in?" The thing is, when Lauren speaks, you can practically hear her smirking.

I wish the ground would just open up and swallow me!

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We are all sitting awkwardly around the TV now. You can only hear the TV on quietly, rambling about posh cocky kids with huge houses. NOBODY CARES.

"So.. how do you know eachother?" Adam breaks the silence by speaking a question that nobody really wants to answer. He knows I was bullied, and a girl turns up at my door calling me a slut? Use your brain, pretty boy.

The only thing that is keeping me sane right now is imagining myself punching Lauren into oblivion. I'm not violent all the time. But when I am, I make sure I finish the job properly - in my head, anyway.

"Just school..." Lauren sends me a sweet smile from the other side of the room.

"And why did you call Amy a slut? That's just out of order, Lauren." Adam's facial expression turns angry.

"It was just a joke! We're friends really! Right, Amy?" It was just a joke? Yeah, right. And no, we're not friends. We were friends when we were little kids. Not any more. I hate you. But the way you're looking at me tells me that I have to say yes, you're the one in charge here, right? Right.

"Yeah, we were really good friends at school" I say with a smile.

Adam shoots me a questioning look and I confirm my story with a nod of my head and a grin.

"I'm just going to go use the bathroom quickly..." I say, and excuse myself from the room as quickly as possible.

I need some relief. AS soon as I reach my room, I hunt through my bottom drawer, searching for my razors.

"You're worthless. It will make you feel better! Nobody will care. Just do it. You're alone. You have no true friends. Everyone will leave you anyway!" the vioces run through my head. The worst thing is, I know they're right, nobody will care.

Crap, I can't find my razors!

I sneak across the corridor, into Adam's room. I see a pencil sharpener on his bedside table, and quickly snatch it up, darting across the hall, to the bathroom.

Once I have unscrewed the blade, I press it against my wrist, and start to make the first cut. Worthless. Second. Ugly. Third. Stupid. Fourth, fifth, sixth...

I hear a noise behind me and turn around to see Lauren standing behind me, arms crossed, laughing her pretty little airhead off.

"Looks like somebody's a bit emo. Stupid cutter! Well, sorry for interrupting..."

She heads out the door, and I can still hear her laughing down the hall. I place my blade on the bath, and sink down onto the cold, hard floor.

She know, now. She knows how messed up I am.

It's just going to get worse.

"Worthless. Cutter. Emo. Messed up. Ugly. Fat. Starve. Anorexic. WORTHLESS...."

The voices are back, along with my bullies.

And I have a feeling that this time they won't be leaving.

I'm going to have to do something about this myself.

And I will do whatever it takes to get away from them this time.

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I'm sorry. This chapter is really upsetting, and maybe triggering.

I just re-read it.

And no, I am not bullied. But you need to take bullying seriously, it's a huge issue that has a terrible impact on people's lives!

Anyway... I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

LOVE YOU.

-Georgina x