Love Lust

Lust

   Of course not all relationships are perfect. I thought it was forever but forever wasn't as expected. It wasn't because of a break up either. It was more of a separation that wasn't expected.
   "You're suppose to breakup with someone because you don't love them anymore. Not because you're completely in love with them."
- If I Stay
   If I Stay is a movie that explains everything I can't but he refuses to watch it because he "doesn't have time". Which in his case is just because it's a chick flick and he doesn't want to get back together. There's always a reason as to why and I shall share that.
   This year is his last in high school and he wants it to be amazing. He plans on going to basic training on July 12th, 2016 and continuing another year and a half in Virginia for AIT for Apache helicopters. His dream has been to become something in the military. First it was a cargo pilot and now it's a mechanic. Amazing how life changes. I wanted mine to change with him.
    He told me the reason he broke up with me was because it was for the best. He wanted to focus on school. Yet this happened last year; the same thing. I stood by his side and he knew I wasn't going anywhere. Although it's a continuation, I don't see a change coming.
   I promised him last year I was going to give my all for him. I want his life to go as planned and follow his dreams. He is doing just that and I am so proud of him. The only thing that hurts me is I can't be there with him; he just doesn't want it right now.
   I understand where he is coming from of course but I love him with all my heart. It hurts to know I can't say I was there from beginning to end with him. I know I can say I tried. Although we aren't together I keep trying to get him to realize I just don't want to leave because he means the world to me.
   Of course, for many reasons being. This man right here is almost 18; an adult. I'm only 16 and I have been here since I was 14 and I don't plan on leaving now. I was always the one who said I was gonna be a stripper because I was literally nothing to guys. I felt as if I was alone. I can't say my life is a whole lot better but I have done a hell of a lot with what I have and I am beyond blessed. I can't take all credit though. He gave me the strength to see good in myself for once.
   If I could do anything over, it would be absolutely nothing. Everything happens for a reason. Which of course you can fight for better things or the thing you feel is right but if it's another person, they have to put forth effort to.
   I see myself with him forever. I see myself on May 7th walking into his senior prom with him, I see myself watching from the sidelines as he walks to get his diploma for graduating high school, and I see myself waiting for him to return from his training with a smile on his face and knowing it wasn't a mistake for continuing a relationship together. If you love someone, you won't care what obstacles are in the race but you will be willing to do it together until the end. I want to say I won and share that with him.