Both

The beginning

Life is never generous. Life never gives you what you crave. Only what you want. And cravings become a part of your daily life, crawling under your skin, threating to take control over your body, make their own moves. You are their shelter. And shelters are objects. You become an object.

She turned out to be just that. An addict of her own cravings. An addict of him.

She woke up from a dreamless sleep.

Tangled among the bed sheets.

Tangled among her feelings.

Tangled between his arms, his feelings, his madness, her madness, her torture, his inner torture, his inner fights that became hers too.

He made a promise to her yesterday night. To be hers. Body. Soul. Blood.

Maybe that's what she wanted, scratch that, that's what she craved for endless days and nights. She felt whole. She felt empty. She didn't know. She only knew that this was the only night that she felt pure.

She got herself away from the bed, walked into the bathroom and jumped into the already filled bathtub. Her clothes floating around her body.

She closed her eyes and remembered all the times that he hurt her, the times she felt loved, betrayed. Images were crossing her mind like a slideshow.

She stared the white wall above her head. She imagined the little wrinkles on it spreading. She imagined the first layer of white color falling on the floor. Then the second layer. Then a brick made its way and it fell too on the floor next to her. Then she saw the blue sky. It was a long time ago that she laid eyes on the sky by the daylight. She missed the clouds, She missed everything.

Then she blinked. And the white wall was back again. The little wrinkles on it stopped spreading.

He was sitting next to her. His hand in the water, disturbing the thin surface. Her fingers touched his neck. A drop was rolling slowly on his skin. Her eyes following it. His eyes following hers.

He stepped in the bathtub with her. Both of them were now on their knees. She kissed him tenderly for the last time. She kissed both of his eyes. Both of his lips. Both of his hands. She kissed both of them, the way each of them demanded. She then stepped out of the bathtub.

She grabbed her bag.

She got out of his room.

She got out of the motel. The blond woman wasn't there.

She got into her car and drove away.

Someone stayed in the bathtub.

Someone felt as an only person for the first time.

.......

Well, it was the first time I wrote something. Call it a book, call it a novel specifically, call it random-thoughts-combined-together-to-form-a-book... I don't care. I felt very good while I was writing it... I didn't know I could. Thanks inspector Jenna for giving me courage to give it a shape <3 It is quite small, but all I wanted to do was give feelings a face. Thanks everyone who read it <3

Byeeee <3