Both

So called dreamless nights

She lit up a cigarette and watched it for a few seconds. The fire was burning the brown smoke and the white thin paper of the delicate death. She brought it close to her face and smelled it. It was the same thing as to smoke it, right?

She turned her stereo on and closed her eyes. She took a long blow and exhaled the grey air from her lungs. She loved that freeing sensation.

Her phone rang twice.

She approached it and held it in her hands. It said "Mary".

"Hey." She picked it up.

"Hey girl. How are you?" Mary asked.

"I, uh, I'm fine." She scratched the back of her neck. It had been ages since they talked to each other.

"I saw Chris the other night walking to the outskirts. Are you both okay?"

She had seen him?

"Yeah. We are okay. He said he would visit his aunt." She answered unsure. "Wait a second. You saw him east?" Images were taunting her mind of him walking alone on a road.

"Yeah, he was holding a bag. Look, I just passed by him with the car because I had to have my eyes on the road. It was raining."

"Really? I nearly died from that stupid high temperature."

"Okay, well, I just wanted to know if things between the two of you were okay. I know his situation. Whatever happens, you know that I'm a phone call away, right?" Her voice was pleading her.

"Thanks.." She answered. They may not communicate each other often, but the fact that someone wanted to be by her side was...soothing.

"Okay, bye for now. Take care." Mary said, but didn't wait for a response and the line went dead.

She looked around the room. That suffocating feeling was tormenting her again.

She put on her jean shorts, grabbed her bag and the cigarettes and headed to her car.

East huh? This time he wouldn't get away so easily. This time he would get a piece of her mind.

She was always the one left behind, crawling back to herself trying to collect the shattered pieces of what remained of her.

They met in an afternoon, in a park. She didn't know what she was getting herself into until the first time his first outburst broke lose.

The funny thing was that she couldn't figure out who was who each time.

She laughed. She was getting insane for sure.

All for this motherfucking excuse of a human being.

She didn't know if she was mad with herself or with him who didn't love her enough to let her be. If he loved her he would, right? He would feel responsible and guilty every time he looked in her eyes while he was making love to her or fucking her. Sometimes even this wasn't distinct.

She would find herself curled up in a corner somewhere in her house.

And he would visit her again several days after.

And she would always take him in. Like a fool she is.

So sick.

The lights on each side of the road were passing by like her thoughts. Her mind was everywhere and nowhere.

He won't have walked long. Mary said that it was raining.

As soon as that thought sat on her mind, a motel found its way a few meters ahead.

Just a look.