Three Worlds Apart

Chapter XI, Dawson

I've never cried for her before.

Sitting in the library with Kamber, I cried. I cried for Amelia, for Ashlynn, for their mother. 

For everything we lost that night.

I cried for Kamber too. Her parents are dead, she blames herself for their deaths.

After our cry marathon I could tell that Kamber felt as good as I did. It's weird how crying always makes you feel better, but I can't deny that I feel lighter.

It was also nice to tell someone about Amelia, now someone else knows how special she was. I don't know if I'll ever be the same person I was but I do know that Amelia made me a better person.

Really there was so much I could have told Kamber, how Amelia noticed people who were in pain. How she seemed to notice all the beautiful things that everyone else was to busy to notice, how she took the time to care about anyone who needed help.

How it was hard not to trust her, how she never used her powers to cheat, how she ached for things to be fair and just. 

There is no way to describe her really, she never saw herself as a good person but she was. She was.

"Dawson?" I look up, oops. I guess I've been spacing out a lot lately. Kriss and Alex are looking at me strangely, "Sorry, what?" I say. 

"What's going on in there?" Alex asks, rapping my head with his knuckles. I grab his wrist and force it away.

"Dude," I groan. Kriss looks worried, "Dawson, are you okay?" She asks. I sigh, "Yeah, I'm fine." Alex and Kriss look at each other, they don't believe me. I don't blame them, I don't believe me. 

I stand up, I don't want them asking questions. "I've got to go." I say and quickly turn and hurry away. I know they mean well but I just need to think. 

I walk towards the library but stop, that's where they'll look for me first. I turn and walk down the math hallway, the last place they'd look. I duck under the stairwell and sit down, my phone vibrates but I ignore it.

After a moment I pull out my phone, it could be my mom. 

Mom: can u pick Conner and Anthony after school?

I let out a quiet laugh, I'm glad I did check. I like spending time with my brothers, they'll distract me.

Dawson: sure
Mom: good, i have 2 go into work  

Mom usually is finished work by the time I get home but occasionally she has to go in later, that's when I drive over and pick up Conner and Anthony. I have time to take the bus home grab the car and go.

I have a car but I prefer to take the bus to school. 

Dawson: have fun
Mom: don't b cheeky 
Dawson: wouldn't dream of it
Mom: c u later
Dawson: bye

The bell rings and I duck out from under the stairwell and hurry to my next class which thankfully I don't share with any of my friends.

After school I grab my car keys and drive over to the elementary school to pick up Conner and Anthony.

I wonder if Mom called the school to tell them that I'm picking them up, oh well they'll recognize my car. 

I spot them come out, when they get closer I role down the window, stick my head out and honk the horn at them.

Conner waves, Anthony trying to be cool nods. I laugh and role the window back up, Anthony tries to be cool but I can tell he is pleased to see me.

"Dawson!" Conner says, "Why didn't you tell us you were picking us up?" I laugh, "I didn't know." 

Anthony now out of sight of his friends grins at me. I grin back, he'll learn that I'm cool. Ha!

I know what will make them happy though, as we pull out of the parking lot I turn up the radio. Soon we are singing along with whatever comes on, okay singing is not the word. More like screaming.

We pull into the driveway and I turn the music off, I grab their backpacks and we all walk up to the house.

"Hey Dawson?" Conner calls, I turn and look at him. "Can we pay you to do our homework?" I laugh and shake my head.

"No way dude, do your own. I have way harder homework that has to get done." Conner does his pretend pout and Anthony and I start laughing. Conner joins in after a while. 

My brothers are the perfect distraction. 

"So do you have any big plans for the next few hours?" I ask. Conner shakes his head, "What do you have in mind?" Anthony asks.

I grin.

Soon we are sitting on the couch playing video games. We haven't played in so long, not since before I met Amelia.

I may miss her but I missed this too, at least I can get something meaningful back. Even if it's just playing video games.

As always I let them win, actually I'm struggling to keep up. I haven't played video games in a long time period.

Just as I'm about to go to sleep my phone rings. I grab it quickly before my parents can hear it.

"Hello?" I say, who could be calling this late?

"Dawson, do you have a minute?" Alex asks, he sounds so lonely. He has been quiet lately.

"Course, what's up?" I ask. There's a long pause, "Do you ever feel so lost and alone that everything crushes in on you all at once?" Alex asks.

"All the time," I say, then ask, "Alex?" 

"Yeah?" 

"She meant more to you than you're letting on." I don't say it as a question.

"Dawson, you loved Amelia so much that at times I was really worried about you. I thought more for you than I did her for a while, then once you started living again it really hit me. She gone, Amelia was like my sister. I just-" Alex stops talking.

"Alex?" I ask, "Are you still there?" 

"Yeah,"

"You can tell me, I won't make fun of you. You're my best friend, you've always kept my secrets and I'll always keep yours." I tell him.

"If I had just done more, maybe she would have lived." Alex's words knock me speechless, he blames himself? Bloody hell if her death is anyone's fault it's mine.

"Alex, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's, Amelia made her choice. She wanted us to live badly enough that she gave us her life and if you really cared about her then quite blaming yourself." I say.

"You blame yourself." Alex's words make my heart beat faster, "I do." I say simply, "So does Kriss, just because we blame ourselves doesn't mean we should."

Alex laughs at my words, "Thanks Dawson, I knew I could count on you."

It's my turn to laugh, "I'm always here for you man."

We talk for a few more minutes and it's almost like it used to be.

I missed this.