Male Quirks and Female Foibles

When Opposites Attract: the Incompatibility Myth

An old adage claims "opposites attract." But is attraction enough if opposites marry? The prevailing wisdom of the modern justice system seems to think not, since incompatibility was the first form of no-fault divorce.

But perhaps the justice system was too quick to give opposites an out. When opposites begin to repel instead of attract, finding the compromise that allows coexistence to continue and grow can be fun.

In my marriage, the old adage certainly is true in many areas. I'm sure that on a compatibility scale, Wayne and I would score quite low. Through 44 years it has made marriage an adventure or sometimes a pain; but hey, "life is not a bed of roses."

Take food, for example. I like spicy foods and am particularly fond of Mexican foods with their chili's and tomatoes. Chili powder is the one spice Wayne abhors and tomatoes give him heartburn. The only time he takes me to a Mexican restaurant is on my birthday.

Wayne's favorite food additive is garlic. He prefers to augment all dishes with garlic and more garlic. My metabolism can only tolerate garlic in very small doses. If I eat a dish with a lot of garlic the aftermath awakens me in the middle of the night. Thus, Wayne only gets Italian cuisine on his birthday.

Fortunately, we have found a suitable compromise. When we eat out, the restaurant of choice is usually Picadilly or Ryans, cafeterias where we can both indulge our own culinary tastes. Fortunately, we both like fried catfish and so Louisiana has numerous places where we can eat out.

When we eat at home, we both add our own spices after the fact. Our table has four shakers rather than the traditional salt and pepper. One has cayenne and another garlic salt. We also alternate starches – potatoes (Andi), rice (Wayne). We stock Rolaids for him to ingest with tomato-based meals like spaghetti.

Another area of incompatibility is in leisure activities. Wayne came from a family addicted to television. My family was a gaming family. Wayne thought supper should be ingested while watching the boob tube. I thought supper should be spent around a table with a lively family discussion followed by a game.

We compromised. Our family usually ate the evening meal together and engaged in lively discussions. Wayne turned off the TV for that period and in turn he was exempt from family game time. The boys and I played while he watched TV. Of course as the boys got older, they sometimes joined their Dad in front of the TV, leaving me to game on the computer.

When the boys were old enough to understand games more complex than "Go Fish" and "Sorry," Wayne occasionally joined in on game night. He likes to play the card game Rook, which requires one to understand how to bid. His only other game is chess. I hate chess! So I let him teach the boys and sometimes they would play chess while I read.

Now that we have an empty nest, Wayne and I usually watch TV together by recording shows we both like. We use our television as much to watch movies as to TV shows. We both like good romance movies, but I have to let him watch the occasional blood, guts and gore movie to keep him happy. He sometimes lets me watch the tearjerkers. He doesn't like sad endings.

When it comes to sports, Wayne is a football fan. Before we moved to Canada, he was a Monday Night Football fanatic. While we were there he got out of the habit and so far he's not redeveloped the addiction. He still watches the Saints and LSU, but that's about it until the playoffs and bowl games. I grew up in Alaska where it was too cold to play much football. I never saw a game until we moved to Montana when I was 17, and I find the game too slow.

While Wayne was having football withdrawal, I was becoming addicted to Hockey. If the Calgary Flames were playing, he would watch, but he didn't really care to watch other teams play. I didn't care who was playing; I just enjoyed the game.

I think maybe you get the drift. Wayne and I have alot of things that could be considered incompatibility, but we've found ways towork around them. After 33 years of marriage, we've learned that give and takecan be fun – as long as one partner doesn't do all the giving and the other allthe taking. To keep that from happening, I sometimes hide the remote.