drews pov
"i might go to sleep,I'm pretty tired from today.." i said as i lay on my bed with my arm behind my head like a pillow.
"okay I'll tomorrow, okay??" claire said from the other line."okay love you." if you couldnt tell claire's my girlfriend, but honestly i think im bi..maby full on gay..but i still have feelings for her.."love you two" she said befor hanging up. i grabbed my sketch pad and started to draw the out line of her thin face, but i drew it so it looked like me holding her..i know weird, but..it's hard to explain..
i dew her beautiful black hair, cheast length, and her eyes, i love her eyes..to bad i wont be seeing her tomorrow..i wonr even be alive by tomorrow if all goes as planned..ohgod..im going to miss her so much i need her like i need oxygen...
i went to my drawr i keept my razors in and looked at them long and hard, should i really do this?..yeah..i should..im just to much of a bother to people who could easly have a better life with out me...i grabbed the razor and slid it over my already scared wrist for the last time...i forgot the feeling of the blade
how it smoothly ripped the skin underneath it..i feel so guilty, claire just told me how proud she was i went a month and 12 days without it....i grabbed the pill bottle i kept underneat my bed i got a handful and tossed them into my mouth and washed it down with whiskey i also kept for nights like this..i skribbled,"dont blame your self, please.-drew<3" onto a paper that was beside my bed..
i wonder what it will be like to finally be dead..i've attempted 2 times befor...death is not what i thought it would feel like..not at all..it felt like a hand dragging me into eternal darkness, and like i was drowning untell i felt nothing,oh god...
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i woke up to a lady sticking a tube down my throught..she was pumping my stomich?! oh god it feels like im throwing up every where..finally that bullshit was done they let me sleep,i had dreams about my past..i was sitting on a bench at the park with claire and she was cold so i gave her my jacket.
"drew..i-i have something to tell you.." she said looking at me while wrappe din my arms,"whats up" i said to her quietly, byut inside i was freaking out..what if shes pregnent?! of cource i knew what was wrong this was nothing but a few weeks ago.."i relapsed last night.." she said pulling up the sleves of my hoodie to reveal deep red cuts all along her arm,"claire why did you do this.." i said as i ran my thumb accross the scars."i-i-i dont know.." she said as she started to break down.."claire its fine, even the best of us relapse, its not easy to recover..she turned and grabbed my shirt in her fists and started to cry into it..i hate seeing her cry...ifeel so guilty..this is all my fault...i picked up her chin and lent into kiss her lightly. but i woke up befor i could..fuck
some therypist lady needed to ask me questions
