Broken angel

Me?

If I'm writing this now, it means that 2015 has ended and it's already the time to talk about how I struggled to survive. My name is Amelia, I'm turning 24 by the next month. I've got two sisters, Liza and Kate, and one little brother who's name is Lewis. I'm the eldest, then comes Liza, Kate, and Lewis. My family and I, are foreigners, we live outside of our country, we live in a small apartment. I'm a type of person who's hard to understand, though I'll try to explain why I'm writing this. One of my features is that u can see me wearing black most of the time, but I've got a colorful mind. My idols are none other the British boy band One direction . I simply live for them. I've got hope that someday I'm gonna meet my idols and heroes. They've saved my life a couple of times, and I can never be grateful to them. Through my journey, I've knew two girls, Emma and Megan by which I've never imagined my life without them. Each of them mean a different thing to me. Though these girls are on of the reasons I'm still alive, those were also the reason sometimes made me feel so depressed. I've got a neighbor who's the same age as my mom. She never meant to me as an aunt, instead she always meant to be the closest person to my heart. Her name is Clare. She even knows many things about me that my mother herself doesn't know. She was a second mother of mine. But what happened at the end made a huge barrier between us. Through my journey, I've learned and knew things I've never imagined. By this, I became addicted to self harming and having drug injections as my mom. It hurts, but at least, it helps decrease the amount of pain I feel and the amount of tears that my pillow gets each night. I've been bullied a lot in my school, as it was my first year. I'd spend the whole day crying with no one caring or asking about me. And recently, I hated spending time with my own parents, as they would just keep on insulting me, giving comments, embarrassing me or even insulting things I like. My parents would spend most of their time fighting, screaming, or shouting at everyone. Instead of standing next me, my parents were on of the reasons of my struggles in this year. They never stood beside me or thought of raising me up, but instead they always brought me down! Each time I try to reach my goal or achieve something I've always wanted, they start insulting me or giving comments about everything I do and this would just get me low self confidence and low self esteem. I never had a pet, to consider as my friend, I didn't even like teddy bears. But instead, U'd see find me spending all my time on my phone with head phones on trying to escape the reality I live in. I had mental illness at the age of 9 and continued until the age of 12. I had a fear of being alone. I just didn't want to live without somebody to back me up. At this age, I couldn't trust anyone to back me up except my mother. But what happened is, that one day, my mom got gave up on me and decided to quit working and get me to a hospital were I can be cured. But at this night, by which my mom told me this and screamed in my face, I slept while crying and had a strange dream about a girl. I've loved this girl just after the dream. At first, she didn't know a bout my feelings towards her, but she was the reason I'm not in a hospital now. It may be hard to understand, but by that dream and by just a look from her, I passed the stage I was in. I didn't need a doctor any,ore, I'd didn't even need anyone. Because I just had her in my life. Maybe not even as a friend, Bing I can never be grateful enough for what she did. Unfortunately, she didn't do anything, not a even saying a single word, but what happened because of her cured me forever, and I can't ever thank her enough. But now at this moment, though I still have the loving feeling towards her, I don't want to live anymore. Honestly, I'd prefer committing a crime and living in a jail with my soul rather than living the life I was living.