The Beginning of Life as We Know It

Dear Memory

Dear Memory,

I miss you.

I don't miss the new you, the you that wears combat boots and wastes life on tumblr - the you I never had.

I miss the old you, the you that was self-conscious of her freckles and stayed up with me all night contemplating the meaning of the universe and let me hold you when you cried.

I hate myself for it but it's been a year and my mind is still stuck on the smell of your shampoo and the softness of your lips; I hate myself for it but my heart still flutters when I think of that day in the rain and the rainbow that followed. Hard as I may try I can't rid myself of the you impressed in my memory. My head has moved on but my heart is still searching for an end to the story that stopped so abruptly; I spend so many mornings and nights contemplating how I could have saved us that sometimes I wonder if we ever even existed. I think part of me hopes that even an ounce of you is still searching, too. You didn't want me and maybe that's why I started kissing strangers; you broke my heart but they say that if you love something you should let it go and so you walked away and I never even said goodbye.

I don't want you back because I can't have you and I won't say I'm sorry because it's too late now but if I could and it wasn't then I do and I really, truly am.

I hope you'll never read this and I'm almost certain that you won't, but if you happen to come across it then stop. The universe dislikes the idea of us.

Yours truly,
- Stephanie