Jacksepticeye Imagines

Hot Chocolate

Hi. This imagine may tackle the subject of depression. Trigger warning? Don't know. Don't care right now.

Another day slowly came to an end. The sun was setting, filling the air with chrisp chilliness and bright orange light. The streets gradually became more and more empty and the whirrs of cars moving along the road were a rare occurence.

I was sitting near the window, my eyes moving along every line outside. It was one of those strange, inexplicably hollow days when I felt too strange to do something. Strange isn't the proper word here. I was feeling absolutely nothing, getting easily distracted, wanting to do absolutely NOTHING - eating, reading, blogging or whatever. This wasn't the first time something like this happened. Then the robotic feeling of "Ha. Ha. Everything is worthless." swept over me and was like a giant, suffocating creature not wanting to go the FUCK away.

Sean came back this evening. He had a great time. I'm happy for him. I am, but I just can't quite express it.

"Hey there, hot chocolate." he sighed, sitting down next to me.

"Flirt attempt denied," I answered with a small chuckle. "Whaddaya want?"

"Well, actually," Sean said, clearing his throat, "I wanted to ask why've you been so down lately? You didn't even move during the two hours of me recording."

"Um... Yeah, sorry. I... I don't really know what's wrong with me. Sorry for this, you probably need more commitment in this relationship."

"What are you even talking about?!" he exclaimed.

"I think I'm too... worthless? I don't know. Don't wanna do anything, just... sit here." I sighed in response.

He looked at me with a concerned expression. I looked down, avoiding the long gaze of his blue eyes as I felt my cheeks getting hotter.

"Okay." Sean clapped his hands and stood up. "Get up, Bum-Bum."

He helped me up, covering me with a blanket he took from the couch. He curled his arm around my waist and took my hands with his other hand.

Sean sat me down at the kitchen and started shuffling around in the upper cupboards.

"The tea is down there, if you need it." I said, trying to ease his searches.

"Naw, not tea," he waved me away, "Chocolate."

Oh really.

I could sense him smiling from behind the cupboard door.

"Hey, so... you weren't kidding when you said you have depression." Sean tried to start a conversation.

"I don't think people joke about that. Around me, anyway." I answered.

"I think you grew up in a relatively good environment," he shrugged.

Sean put the pot with the diced chocolate on the stove and poured some milk in it.

"Put it on 14." I hummed.

"Yeah, I know."

The atmosphere here was really... cosy. The sun's warm orange light poured through the window and filled the room with honey.

"You know, I'm always here." Sean turned to me.

"I... I know. It's just... PHYSICALLY hard to believe sometimes." I replied, laying my arms and head on the counter.

"How does it feel?" he asked, mixing the chocolate in the pot.

"Well... Different. It feels different. I'm a pretty energetic person normally. and when this happens it's... kinda devastating. But, uh, trying to not cut again. Yeah, holding on."

"You used to cut?" Sean asked in slight disbelief. He poured the hot chocolate into a mug and set it on the table.

"Didn't you know?" I chuckled and took the mug. It was still too hot and I immediately let go.

"Can I see your... scars?" Sean asked.

I hesitated. Not exactly comfortable. But Sean's important to me, so why not. I rolled up my left sleeve and showed the nearly white strings on my skin. Ah, the memories.

"Wow..." Sean exhaled, running his fingers along every single scar out of the nine present.

"Don't you dare be fascinated." I smiled.

"No, it's just... never mind. Do they have backstories?" he asked.

"Yeah, actually." I squirmed at the tickling feeling of Sean's fingers on my arm. "First breakup, friend leaving me, losing my phone (I cried then), two body image issues, homophobic school incident, my dog's death and two particularly bad nights."

"How descriptive." he smirked.

"Sorry, didn't wanna go in there." I shook my head and pulled my arm away.

"I'm here. I'll cheer you up. Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you dooown~" Sean sang with a big smile on his face.

I took a sip of the chocolate and leaned in to him. He smiled again and planted a long kiss on my lips.

"Ooh, steamy."

"Shut up, Casanova."