he's my winona ♕

Chapter 18: Pete

I reached in the medicine cabinet and grabbed anything I could find. It was now or never. Sometimes, the thoughts get too heavy. I had to do this.
I had to go where no one would find me. I couldn't make myself known. It was four in the morning and I almost fell asleep while driving.
I could have easily gotten in a car accident.
But I didn't.
I turned the radio on because in silence, I think and I don't want to think.
I drove for a while until I ended up in a Best Buy parking lot.
I sat there listening to the song Hallelujah as it was playing on the radio.
All that was with me were my anxiety medications, Ativan. I had to do it. I did it without thinking.
One hundred capsules. Gone.
I regretted it as soon as I did it. I tried to call my mom for help. By this point, I was slurring my words. She didn't understand me but she knew I wasn't home and I was in trouble. Next thing you know, she said she was on her way to me with Patrick.

~Timeskip To Five In The Morning~

I wasn't alive.
Or I was transitioning.
I could hear both the real world and heaven. At least I think it was heaven. I saw bright lights and I saw my dad.
I could alternate between both worlds.
I heard my mother and Patrick crying together. It broke my heart to see the pain I caused. I couldn't bare to watch so I went back to heaven.
I saw my dad. I went to hug my dad.
"I-I missed you." I stuttered in between sobs. "I'm here with you now. I can stay with you."
He pulled back and gave me a judgemental look. "After you watched your mother and that boy react like that, you still want to stay here?"
I paused. He was right. I couldn't stay here. "I know, but I will miss you so much."
"Don't miss me, I will always be here with you. Always."
I was crying now. "H-how do I go back. I've messed up. What do I do now?"
"Follow me." said my dad.
I followed him into this room with this button that said "Return" at the top and "Do Not Push" at the bottom. "Push this. It will allow you to return to your mother and that boy. Who is he, I might add?"
"That's Patrick. I wish you could meet him. He's my boyfriend. I wish you could meet my friend Andy too."
My dad smiled. "You are doing a lot better. I watch you sometimes and I get really proud of how you developed. You have to go, you're running out of time. Tell Joe I said hi."
"Wait! Why don't you ever push the button to come back, dad?"
"We aren't ever allowed to push it. It is only for emergencies. You didn't deserve to die. It was an accident. Now go."
"Goodbye, dad. Say hi to Kurt Cobain for me."
I pushed the button and then I was back. I was back in my own human body. I heard the shrieks of excitement when they heard the heart monitor stop the flatline. I was alive again.
I'm back again.
I'm alive.