Before We Begin

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I cannot emphasize enough that this story will contain spoilers that will destroy your life and that even an act so simple as reading the chapter titles could damage your sanity.

Things will be written in a strange format because I don't want to take the sad bits directly from the books. I'm afraid the copywriter police will hunt me down and sue me. Also, I didn't even read the entire book series (I skipped around a bit) so I'm just guessing and checking the wiki on a lot of these. It's not supposed to be accurate anyways. These are basically just humorous spoofs. Think of it that way.

Hey, you! Yeah, you! Do you have a moment that's just too sad to cope with? Do you want to have it rewritten in the dumbest way possible? Comment the moment, the book, and the page number and I may consider it. Just to be clear only Warriors moments will be accepted.

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