Moving to a new school sucks. No question about it. I mean, not only do you have to pull yourself out of bed at six in the morning, but you have to actually make an effort. It's not like you can just walk into a new school without any care in the world. It doesn't work that way. You have to worry about every single human in that school because they are going to judge you. They're going to judge you on your appearance, personality, smarts and everything else in gods creation. Actually, scratch that. No one gives a shit about you brains or personality because if you're not popular or even considered cool, then you don't mean anything. It's all about looks right?
Not only that, but you have to put up with being labeled the new kid. So, for the first week of your new school, you actually don't have a name, you're just that guy or the new kid. Hell, if you like me, you're considered invisible and honestly I am totally okay with that. I'm not exactly the type of person that likes attention or to be put in the "spot light" or how that bull shit metaphor goes.
But, unlike any other normal kid/teenage I don't get the "Just be yourself and it'll all be okay" or "Everyone will love you" crap from your parents. My mom died of cancer when I turned 10 and my dad is the most abusive, alcoholic fuck out there. Lets just say that if I fell out of a plane into a pit of rattle snakes and lions, he would not give a shit. He says we keep moving because of his "job" but he probably also thinks I'm stupid. It's really because he spends so much money on alcohol that he can never keep up with rent, and we get kicked out. Oh, and I forgot to mention a pretty big reason why my father hates me. My father is the biggest homophobic asshole out they. Now, I know there are other people out there who aren't accepted by their families, but when you're a 13 year old girl, who lost her mother 3 years ago to a disease, and you tell your father that you're bisexual and he tells you that you're a disease and should go die then beats you? Yeah, I think that is considered a problem. But have I learned to live with the fact that my father is a homophobic asshole and will never except me? Yes, but it's okay. I'm 16 and only have a few more years to put up wit his ass.
Oh, and one more thing. I'm a girl, except I look like a boy. Scratch that, I am a boy. I was born female but I have always known, even before I could articulate it, that I am male. So yes, I am transgender. I have thought long and hard plenty of times before about being a guy and wishing I was one but now I know that I am a boy on the inside. I think I always knew, but I was just trying to fit in with the other girls.
And being transgender is hard. How? Society is a fucking dick. It's pretty much like "Welcome to our society. You will be judged on what you wear, which music you listen to, what you look like, how you act, who you hang around with, and on practically every other personal trait and imperfection about you, and you'll be made fun of for being who you are." Not only that, but you're never really accepted anywhere. Everyone is always going to look at you as "different" or "an out cast" but you just have to over look that and get on with your life.
You see, I don't want to say I'm depressed about all of this. I'm not happy, but I'm not depressed either.
I lost my mom, my dad hates me, and I'm a transgender female trying to find my way through life and be accepted. I'm also not saying that I'm suicidal and want to kill myself, but if someone wanted to run me over or shoot me, I'd probably laugh and say "go ahead". I mean it's not like people would notice I'm gone anyway, right?
Anyway it's another day, at another school, and I'm shaking more than a Chihuahua on steroids. Do I like new schools? No. Do I like being labeled the new kid? No. Why? Because I'm am the most awkward, anti-social fuck that's probably ever lived. I don't know if its because I've never had an actual friend or because I think most humans are stupid, but probably both. I'm missing teenage skills that I probably need to have, but it's whatever.
But hey, it's a new school. Maybe I'll be lucky and get to stay here, make friends, and have a 'new beginning'. That's how it works, right? No? okay.
//So I decided to start writing this story, and I'm so excited. Updates are probably going to be scattered because of school and such, but i really like this story and have a lot intentions for it. I hope you enjoy it! ~Madi//
