Beautiful Mistakes {Zayn M.}

Chapter 9

I was sitting in Zayn's driveway with the car turned off. My hands were still gripping the wheel. I just stared at the front door that would lead me to, what was going to be, the man that was taking my virginity.

Before I went in, I made sure I had everything in check. I had changed out of my floral sundress that I wore to work, and put on jeans and a t-shirt. Maybe I should have worn something a bit more sexy though. What if that would have made it easier for Zayn? I was also regretting the decision to wear a plain, kind of old light pink bra with non-matching striped bikini style panties. Zayn was for sure not going to see that as sexy. My hair was also up in a sleek ponytail, and my makeup was minimal. I didn't want to look like some tramp that tries to get Zayn's attention whenever we go out to the club. While looking at my plain reflection in the rear view mirror I began to think to myself. I wondered why I was worrying what I looked like for someone who I didn't have romantic feelings for at all. This was going to be a one time thing. I'd go in now and come out in a few hours to go home. There were going to be no strings attached, and I was fine with that. Well, I convinced myself to believe that. I always thought I'd lose my virginity to someone that I loved. I did love Zayn though, just not in romantic way. He was my best friend, so of course I loved him.

I shook the thoughts out of my head and grabbed my purse. I fumbled around with the contents in search of my wallet, then I opened the glove box where the box of condoms Ray had given me were stashed.  I looked at the box that had big letters that read "Trojan" across the top. I carefully opened the box and saw a plethora of silver packets staring at me. There was also a folded up pieced of paper placed between some of the foil. Curiosity got the best of me when I decided to look at what was on it. My fingers unfolded the paper and I saw what it was. 

"How to use a condom." I read out loud to myself. It was instructions, and I decided to educate myself about how to use one of those things. 

I kept reading the small print out loud. "Use a new condom for every sex act. Blah. Blah. Blah." I went to the next step. "Tear open package carefully. Do not use fingernails, teeth, scissors or anything that can damage the condom. Obviously." I stated as if I'd been a master at condom usage. "Let's see." I kept reading. "Before any sexual contact, place the condom on the head of the erect penis." I shuddered at the word erect. "Be sure the rolled-up ring is on the outside. And leave space at tip to hold semen when you come. Gross. What the fuck am I getting myself into?" I threw the paper to the passenger seat, but picked it up again to finish my little schooling session. "Squeeze tip gently so no air is trapped inside. Hold tip while you unroll condom all the way to the base of the erect penis. Blah. Blah. Blah." I was starting to freak myself out reading this, but I only had one more step so I kept reading. "Immediately after ejaculation, hold the condom in place and withdraw the penis while it is still erect. Avoid spilling semen. Oh." My eyes were wide. I'd just given myself a crash course on condoms, and now it was time for Zayn to give me a crash course on sex. 

I slipped one of the silver packets into the side pocket of my wallet before taking one last look in the mirror. I took a couple of deep breaths to ease the nerves.

When I was done preparing myself, I put my fingers on the keys that were still in the ignition and slowly pulled them out. My other hand connected with the handle and opened the door. My feet slowly carried my body to the front door, and I just stood there. I didn't know if I should just walk in like I normally do, or if I should knock first. 

With too much hesitation, I reached out for the brass door handle and slowly turned it. I cautiously stepped inside and closed the door behind me, making sure to lock it so nobody would come barging in while we were in the act.

"Zayn?" I called as I stepped towards the kitchen, assuming he was there. 

"I'm in my room." He answered. My head snapped up towards the top of the stairs. My feet were cemented in their place. I didn't know if I should go upstairs or not.