Gorgeous Chaos

Chapter 1: Darkness

Darkness was an overly unbearable factor of each night. I had always thought that the pitch blackness was just another universe full of monsters and ghosts that was just waiting until your guard is down to slowly suck your soul and to torture you with endless thoughts of suicide. When I was younger I had always taken the privilege of turning my star-outlined nightlight on. Not to only scare away the monsters but the insufferable memories that erupted from the darkness. It's something about the night that always causes the most sentimental events. Most commonly suicide occurred during the night. I develop a theory that it wasn't because of the monsters or the ghost but the darkness in general. The pitch of blackness captures the worthiness of the world, the emptiness of our souls that terribly wants to bursts out of the casket of our ribs and the sense of loneliness that hits the core of our sadness. But is living so terribly?

When I was younger I used to play on the swings with my ponytails swinging in the wind as my father pushes me, forcing me to go higher up. At that age I was easily trusting towards everyone. I couldn't fathom that the source of the most happiest memories of my life could be the source of my eternal misery. My mother and father were the one who taught us to love by expressing that towards us. But hate was taught by ourselves driven by madness, irritation, self-loathing and sadness. Feelings, that we never experienced before and we formed it into hatred and distrust. But when the people who taught us to love also made us experienced hate its the definition of heartbreak. My first heartbreak wasn't with a boy who let me borrowed his pencil but with my father.

That night still haunts me today. I was barely 7 years old at the time of my heartbreak. It's was strongly raining as if the weather could sense the misery radiating from my house in Southern California. I was awakened by dishes breaking and the recognizable voice of my mother yelling at my father. I came in conclusion that it was a routine for them but at last it still scared the shit out of me. As I see my baby sister who was softly breathing besides me in a small self-made crib built by my father, I feel a undeniable sense of protecting her from the yelling. I hold her softly kissing her bald head as I hid in my small closet surrounding us with darkness. The pounding of heavy footsteps up the staircase sense chills of panic up my spine.

"I just can't take it! I can't take it anymore" my father sneered.

"Please Harold! Please" my mother sobbed.

"The pain that little girl cause me... the pain! I cant take it anymore!"

"Then leave us please! Your drunk Harold stop!"

The sound of a door breaking down echoed through the house. I squinted through the slight crack through the closet door. As I see the unmistakable glint of a knife that my father was holding, I hugged my baby sister tighter to me. The slamming of a body against the wall made my head snapped up watching in silent dread as my father choked my mother.

"She is the reason we're falling apart! I have to do this! I have to kill her!" my father slurred as his hands tighten around my mothers throat.

In that moment my whole world fell apart. I watched in silent dread as my father, the man I once loved with my whole heart drew his arm back and aim the knife to my mother stomach. I could still hear her painful screams as the knife stashes her stomach multiple times. I closed my eyes for the sound was to agonizing. I remembered after a while I stopped hearing the screams and I looked through the crack of my door. My father was crouched down on the side of my bloody mother. And then...

"The police came, I guess. I don't remember exactly but they showed up. I found out later that the neighbor called in a complaint for a disturbance." I said

"Are you sure that's what happened?" My therapist scribbled down.

"Yes, yes it was. They shot him on the spot and he died. They found us in the closet and saved us." I quickly said.

"I see. What happened to your sister?"My therapist said.

"Well, she had cancer - leukemia to be specific- she passed away shortly after" I silently starred down at my torn up vans.

"My condolences. Is that the reason why your father wanted to kill her." my therapist lousily scribbled in his notebook.

"Yea, I guess he couldn't take the pain anymore. But I wished he just killed himself" I said.

My therapist looked up "I think that its for today. You can go back to your room now"

I hurriedly walked out of the room and headed toward the cafeteria.

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Hey so this concludes the very first chapter of my very first book. This is just an insight of my main characters past and such. You'll learn more about her in the next chapters.. But to clear up confusion for the ending she was talking to a therapist about the passing of her mother. Shes also in a mental institution currently, the next chapter will talk more about it.

So yeah I just want to thank everybody who reads this and please please share and spread the word about this book. It will mean the whole world to me.

Thank you,

I love you

~crisbellchaos