Seeking Destiny

Chapter 6 (i) Making Friends

i

Making Friends

James's grandfather, Leroy, would say: "Life is pain, but we have a choice whether or not to suffer." James, a precocious adolescent, lived accordingly; though without conscious articulation, intuitively, allowing him a relative happiness despite feelings of not fitting in. Poor, fat, freckled and red-headed, wearing only ill-fitted goodwill clothes, he lived in a town where such a combination equaled leprosy, attracting from his peers enthusiastic ridicule and scorn. He only wanted to have a place, to be accepted, one of the cool kids, to be cool.

At 14, Boo went on to make her own friends, leaving James in her shadow.

At 12, though not a loner, James would often ride his bike alone. In doing so, he caught the eyes of neighborhood delinquents, older boys amused by his obvious insecurities, his fidgeting passing hellos, stuttering attempts to please. James felt drawn to their energy, fearing it, enticed by their aura of something forbidden, evil, like the pull of a canyon's open maw to let go and jump in when peering down into its depths. He saw their rebellious, devil-may-care attitudes as the epitome of the strength he lacked and hungered for. He rode by them often, attempting lame bike tricks, hoping to impress.

Angry kids, disenfranchised, off the beaten path, they begrudgingly recognized in James a potential kindred spirit. Always ready to spread their hatred of conventional concerns and adult expectations; to increase their number, they gladly took him under their wings. And, finding sport in corruption, using his happiness at being accepted, at having his ideal of having friends realized, they shared with him, filling his brain with THC and blood with alcohol, binding him to the fold.

Thus he was inducted into the early 80's national subculture a generation later would call pot-heads.

Drunk and high on friends, alcohol and weed, James experienced what it felt like to be free from fear and insecurity. With days spent twilight sleeping in grungy Pink Floyd shirts and music, he grew an identity, a little bit more bold and chased away the unknown.