Big Book of Hatsome One Shots

You Never Said Goodbye (S)

TW: this is sad, hinting/insinuating suicide, it not major but be careful xo

You never say goodbye.

The tinny sound of the answer message sounded deafening to Trott's ears until the pre-recorded message came through.

"Hi, you've made it to Alex's answer message! Leave a message and I'll get back to you! Unless it's Trott or Ross then I love you and I'll see you soon"

Trott looked down, ending the call quickly, letting the phone drop from his ear to his lap. He pressed his back against the plush leather seats, listening to the radio as Ross drove down the motorway.

"Trott, please stop listening to that...You know it's not making things better" He said, the sympathy in his voice being far too nurturing.
"I know but-" Trott started to talk before ducking his head down, embracing his knees as he bought them up the hug. His voice was raspy, sleep deprived.
"Sweetheart please, you aren't making things any easier for either of us" Ross tried to reason with him, his voice just desperate to get through to Trott.

Trott remembered it like it was yesterday.
He remembered the call, he remembered the tears, the anger, the feelings that were broken like a vase hitting the floor and shattering to pieces.
He remembered trying to plead, trying to help.
"I love you!" He'd scream, the feeling in the bottom of his stomach making him want to pass out.

"I love you too Trott. I love you and Ross, tell him I love him but I have to go Trott, good-"
That was the last word.
Good.
How in gods name was it good!
Trott just couldn't stop relaying what had happened, he couldn't stop thinking about the loss.
He remembered Smith's stupid habits like leaving the bedroom door ajar, making sure the coffee machine was always left on latte, how he'd always subconsciously bite his lip whenever he was lying, how he'd always whispered I love you before he fell asleep next to him.

Trott sighed slightly, his head still tucked, resting on his knees.
He lifted his head as he felt Ross's hand on his knee.

"Trott...please." Ross let go of his knee and held on to his hand, attempting to soothe him, his eyes not leaving the road.
The look on Ross' face was undistinguishable, it seemed to be a mix of panic, love and loss. Exactly what they were both feeling.
Trott hiccuped slightly, realising that he had tears trickling down his cheeks. Tears clung to his lashes like they were a life line, trying to find one last hope before falling down, hitting the surface of his reddening cheeks.
The mixture of colours swam in his eyes, the mixture of feelings and past memories, the mixture of the loss and pain to the love and gratefulness.

"If he was here, you know he'd love us still" Ross said, trying his hardest to look after Trott but keep his attention on not crashing. He couldn't loose anyone else.
"Then why did he go?" Trott asked, his voice was small, fragile, as if anything the others would say could break him in a matter of seconds.

"Because he wasn't happy with himself" Ross replied after a while, looking over momentarily. He tried not to sound patronising but he just sounded like a parent telling their child that their dog died when in fact it was put down.
"...But, he was perfect, why wasn't he happy when he was perfect"
The smaller of the two replied, an innocent tone to his voice as he looked at the other, looking for some sort of relief from the pain he was feeling.
"The most perfect people get sad" Ross whispered, his voice breaking slightly as he tried not to let the influx of tears he was holding in show themselves on his cheeks.

Silence followed the two of them as Ross kept on driving.
A break in the silence was almost a relief before the words from Trotts lips put them all into a never ending turmoil of aching pain in their chests.

"He never said goodbye" He whispered.

You never said goodbye.

Credit to Hatfilms on Ao3