The CobWeb Effect ((11th Doctor FanFic))

Chapter 4:

((This story will only end up being like, 10 chapters long (at the most, and not including the epilogue) is what I sadly just realized, but in the near future my novels will be longer. Please vote, comment, and tell me what you think!!! Please?))

RECAP:

I reopened my eyes as tears poured out and I said hoarsely,

"I'm sorry, mum."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before The Doctor could react I pulled him into a tight hug, sobbing into his dress shirt, half out of agony, the other out of every emotion I could give. It was painful letting everything out at once. The tears weren't only for now, but all the times before. They were my apology. The waterfalls gushing put were my way of saying a 'sorry' in which words could not express the truth behind.

It seemed my actions helped him realize my reasoning behind my cuddle, and he immediately stroked my hair, and I felt his warm tears drop into the top of my scalp. His embrace grew stronger, and I was by the slightest amount being suffocated, but I couldn't care less. This is our last embrace, the goodbye without words, because there were none left to be said. None could be said, and anything would just bring more tears.

I experienced a new pain in my heart, one I could not place a label on. You could have called it guilt, stained red with both sorrow and some level of pity. I wished with all my heart this moment would freeze, we would remain like this for all eternity, together, like a father and daughter neither of us ever had, ever to have.

I could tell he wanted to protest, and break the silence, but there was no stopping me. I sobbed even louder when I though about everything we could've done, what I'm doing to the man who did so much for me. I felt helpless. That horrible feeling in your gut you get, guilt, partnered with helplessness, because there is no other solution. And no way out with causing anyone pain.

The Doctor kissed the top of my head, and through that kiss, although the discomfort it caused my brain, I felt all the love and emotions he could not have said it words. It spread a warmth throughout my body, like hot chocolate on a winters day. Another thing I would never have the joy of experiencing again. That sent a whole new massive wave of emotion, building up and up to crash and drown me. And it was successful.

"I'm sorry, bu-" I choked, but a gentle finger was placed on my lips. I looked up, gazing into the sad man's eyes. They were red, puffy, and still creating rivers.

Time was a cruel mistress at that moment, I knew that I had little minutes left to spend with her. I couldn't think of any other way to explain to The Doctor anything I wanted to say, so I balanced on my tipey-toes and kissed his forehead, which sent another storm. And the rain fell hard.

He opened his mouth to speak, but I knew he could find no words to say, no matter how deep my friend searched his heart and mind, there were none that could be said in our short minutes. I knew because I too couldn't speak. I finally knew what it was like to be lost for words, not the circumstances I would've chosen though.

I could not bear any more suffering any longer. I caressed my companion's cheek for the first and last time, stepped back as I shot him a sad, genuine smile, which I received an identical one in return; and closed my eyes and prepared for the agony to follow my actions. Consequence was the word, the pain and suffering was a consequence due to my choice to play the hero. A part I would've never thought to have received the the theatre of life.

Focusing on the one topic that mattered most wasn't hard. Well, at the beginning. As searing fires burned throughout my brain, not hesitating to devour it, it was hard to keep a straight mind. Every noise around me, every smell, every feeling, was muffled due to my heavy concentration. The tears that remained sliding down my cheeks felt like mere feathers being brushed softly against them.

Although I was unable to see him, I could feel The Doctor's eyes staring, burning holes into my soul. There was no cold, no anger of disappointment behind them, only grief. Utter grief, the kind that slowly eats and tears at the heart. The kind that caused a slow descent into a depressive state, a bottomless abyss bordering impossible to escape from. I couldn't bear it, not with all the strength and might within me, to see and know my closest friend like this. He didn't deserve this, the pain, suffering, grief. I gambled he knew them all too well.

Something nagged at me, tugged my heart. Then a familiar voice spoke, the one we all hear.

'Say something, don't let this anything go unsaid. You'll regret it.'

That was my inner genius speaking. For those were the wisest words I will ever hear in my life. Opening my eyes, ignoring the white lights that fed the fires inside my head with gasoline and without letting The Doctor interrupt, I began releasing the most important and heartfelt words in my entire life.

"Doctor, first of all. I can't find another way to say this, but, I'm sorry. And not just for now. For all those times I've snapped at you or made a rude remark or doubted you. I'm sorry. There's no other way to say that. And just for the record-"

That's when the bomb went off inside my mind,

It's now or never.

~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, gosh, I feel so bad, Writing super short chapters!!!! But, this one had to be short too!!!!

I know this book isn't very good, but it's my first on here, and my first to have chapters and come this far, and I'm very proud of it. ((Seeing as I am a pro at procrastinating)) I'm amazed this chapter was finished!! (Haha, and I apologize it took so long!!) Whoever is reading this, I want comments on opinions ((good and bad-just take it easy, Kay? 😉)) and constructive criticism!!!! Please and Thank you!!!!

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-The_GirlWhoWaited <3

Oh, and PS:

thanks @CassidyCrazyazzBonap for all the nice comments, y'all should follow him!!! This chapter is upon his request!!!!! Thanks dude!!!!