Poems In Paragraphs

What If's

It's always those "what if's" welcome to the life of a paranoid maniac. Every shortened goodnight message, every minute they're gone, every second they're talking to their old parter, who you can't interfere with without making yourself look like the maniac you are. All of this causing anxiety no matter how small the blunder or how stupid the thought in your brain. Every suspicion in your mind, every time you don't get a response from anyone, "THEY HATE YOU" your mind screams, "why don't you get it" And even though you know it's not logical you listen anyways, but you won't listen to the yelling. So everything is a "what if..." What if they hate you, what if they don't care if you're there or not, what if they're dead in a car crash, what if all that love and time and effort you put into this suddenly vanishes. What if what if what if... nothing is normal anymore when your paranoid thoughts control what you do. When every message left read for more than a second says "take the hint, I don't like you anymore." And every hesitation to a normally answerable question means "go away." Every cough in the night is someone dying, every minute late is another minute worrying. And what sucks the most, is that one time....that one time when you're right, when your paranoia leads you to the right conclusion...and you start to listen to it more. Then every worry seems real...and sometimes they are...that's the worst part isn't it...when the "what if's..." become the "what now's." We have fears for a reason, and when that fear is real you can wind up dead. Paranoia is the same thing, you're just dying on the inside, you don't know if you're actually right, but to yourself you are. And with every worry, every fear, every assumption that's "correct" it's a crushing blow to the heart bringing you one step closer to dying on the inside. So try not to listen to your paranoid mind...unless of course...what if...it's right?