Imagine

Chapter I

"Honey, this is your first date ever. This is a milestone, the moment of transition between adolescence to adulthood." said Laura. Today, marks the day I go on my first date and also the last time I tell my mother I have one. If that ever happens. "This isn't me," I said as my mother picked different pieces of clothes from the racks at the clothing store.

"Audrey, I know this isn't you but you have to look good tonight!" my mom, Laura exclaimed. "This is your first date EVER. No woman should look like her true self on her first date, that's just universally known as a fact."

"How did dad react when he found out you didn't look the same way you looked on your first date?" I asked with a grin on my face.

"God knows I could only wear so much make up," she pointed out. I knew too. "But I looked good enough for him to ask me out again. That's why you need a killer outfit, honey." "How about this?" I asked, showing my mom a simple yet cute white blouse that channels elegance and sophistication.
"That will make him think you're trying to scout him as your assistant." She laughed. "You're going to a restaurant, not an office." When your mother makes such a remark, it should be noted that you should never let her see your closet.
"Mom, I have to be comfortable in what I wear." I argued. "I didn't even spend this much time looking for a prom dress, how is this more serious?"

I am 20 years old going on my first date ever. I spent my high school years focusing on my future and studies. Years of hard work at school, brought me to my current second year at Sarah Lawrence College in my hometown, New York. I am one step closer to completing my teaching degree, unfortunately years of dedication also came with isolation. Not from my friends and family, but from me and new people. I didn't allow myself to just have fun and hangout with different people, different guys to be precise. It wasn't on my plans to be an inexperienced, never been kissed, over thinker 20 year old. 

My days became a continuous loop of self-awareness and a constant wish to become a better version of myself. My mother pushing me to get out there so drastically didn't help either. I expected all of this to happen a few years ago, just so I could at least know what the ritual is. What do I do when I see him for the first time? Do I stay at an appropriate distance as I say hi or hug him? No, the latter is too forward. But the former is too distant. See how I am going crazy? was once convinced that there was a certain structure, a certain way, the right way to live my life.
I was scared of people's judgment, it felt as if fear hugged my entire body and wouldn't let go of me.

"You look so beautiful!" my mom exclaimed as I stepped out of the change room wearing a red skin-tight cocktail dress. "This will definitely leave an impression on him."

"Except I can't walk in this dress. It's a no from me, Mom." I confessed while looking at my reflection in the mirror . "Why can't I just wear my Doc Martens and jeans for this date? Why must this be so hard?" I whined during my walk back to the change room. This is what supermodels must feel like, I thought. Walking in stuff they can barely breathe in, being on demand and such. The only difference is that I am not nearly as pretty as them.

"You're not meeting up with him at a Catholic Church, Audrey. Spice it up a little!" my mom said with no sense of shame.

After we visited 5 other shops, 4 hours passed, 3 retail workers were annoyed, 2 store managers argued with my mother and I finally found the one. With her help, I settled on a black dress that was sophisticated and flattering at the same time. I have always been a fan of the "less is more" idea, so I was happy this dress portrayed a side of me. As we left the store, I walked the streets of Manhattan as I had never walked them before, with bags in my hands and a sense of coolness. It's interesting to me to think that all these people walking have no idea that I am actually extremely uncool, but there's nothing else to do except enjoy these few minutes I get to feel like someone who can actually afford the items inside the shopping bags -thank God for my mother- and just carry on with my life as they all already were. 

The evening approached and my palms were starting to get sweaty. I was trying not to overthink it too much, but my emotions usually have a way of taking over me pretty quickly. My room was turned upside down and I felt more and more ready to get this over with. As I looked at my reflection in the mirror, part of me felt quite impressed that I managed to look decent but the other part felt quite uneasy and nervous to open a door that has never been opened before.
"You look amazing, sweetie!" my mom interrupted. "Don't be nervous, just be yourself." I gave my mom one of those looks only mothers understand. "Okay, maybe not your true 100% self yet, but try to be you." my mom corrected.
"Thanks, Ma. I have to say, this whole thing was kind of dragging at first, but now I am actually looking forward to it." I said.
"I'm glad, Audrey. Just try to have fun with it and don't think too much," she said. "I'm sure you'll have a good experience. I love you, be safe."

"I love you too, Ma!" I yelled as I ran to my car and headed my way down there to go on my first date, with Michael.