Imagine

Peanuts

I'm not an adult.
Sometimes I want to think I am, but then stuff like this happens and it takes me three steps back into being a premature child.  

That's how I feel right now, a child. Children don't enjoy hospitals and hospitals don't enjoy children. Listening to adults talk worries me in different levels. Listening to adults bores me and it's like a foreign language to me. I live with my mother and run to her for advice or help. I drink warm milk at 8 pm when I'm too overwhelmed with life. Nothing's changed and I see it more and more everyday.

I thought that today would be a day of new beginnings, a day that I had pictured for so long and seemed to be going perfect. Instead, it turned into a day in which I am reminded once again, that I am not ready for big decisions, not ready for my first kiss, not ready for big adult things, not ready for life.

I'm clueless and in a way, the peanuts inside the cake I ate tonight are a sign that I should just keep going with my own plan and don't take risks.

Maybe it's sign from God. Maybe He wants me to stay focus on my own tasks, and don't get distracted. Maybe I should just stop trying all together, maybe I should just not grow up at all and come to terms with it.

Although, maybe I'm overreacting?

Maybe the peanuts were a warning. This had to happen and ruin my date because it put my feet on the ground while I was flying so high in the clouds. Maybe they were a symbolic bittersweet goodbye to the past and at the same time, a tight-throat, swollen-eyes and puffy-cheeks hello to the life that is ahead of me. Full of bumps, trips, falls and of course, allergic reactions.

I might not be an adult yet, I might not understand their language to its full extent and yes, I might be extremely frightened at the idea of becoming independent, being my own source of income and getting through life as a grown up, but I will learn.

I will learn and I will understand. But now, I should really focused on what's important right now.
Getting my first kiss and being freaking awesome at it.

Ha ha, just kidding. I'm still at the hospital, waiting for the doctor. Michael is talking to a nurse and my mom is on her way. Oh crap, is this the way my potential boyfriend is going to meet my mom?  I thought. This is the most embarrassing thing ever, maybe I can sneak out really quick before mom gets here.

"Audrey Brown?" a nurse called out.

I stopped myself before saying the words that sounded like "Yes here!" inside of my head but would have come out as "thes eer!" instead. I stood up and made eye contact with her, to avoid any more possible embarrassment.

As I followed her, I looked back hoping that I could somehow signal Michael that I am going in. I try to wave at him and mouth words but he was so invested in his conversation with the nurse he was previously having a conversation with, that he did not notice me. At the look of this, I abruptly turn back around and proceed to follow the nurse. He will figure it out eventually, I thought as I made my way down the hospital's hallway.