The A-Zs of Life

If Only

I knew Matt was upset that night in his dressing room and he hardly spoke a word to me as we walked to the apartment. We walked inside and he went straight to the bedroom to change for bed. I followed him and sighed when he didn't even acknowledge me. "Matt?" I said quietly.

"Why do you stay with me?" was his response.

"Because you're my husband and I love you," I was unsure why he was even asking me such a question.

"You love me yet you don't want to be with me?" he said still with his back to me.

"I am with you."

Matt laughed, "With me, right! You know very well that's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant Matt and I told you before, I just don't feel ready yet alright?"

Matt turned to me, "We're not some couple who's just casual partners, WE'RE HUSBAND AND WIFE AND YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE WITH ME!"

"YOU HAVE NERVE GETTING MAD AT ME YOU KNOW!" I didn't mean to yell at him, but once I started, it all came out. "AT LEAST I STAYED FAITHFUL DURING OUR SEPARATION!"

"What do you mean?" Matt said annoyed.

I calmed down, "You know very well what I mean." I turned away so he couldn't see me crying. "I never cheated on you."

"What are you talking about? I never cheated on you."

I wiped my eyes and turned to him, "Why can't you just come clean and tell me the truth? I know

about you and Kim!"

Matt's faced turned white, "You know?"

"She bragged about it throughout the theater. I heard her one day when I was in your dressing room."

"Chris," Matt said coming over to me,

"Don't. I know exactly what you're going to say. That you didn't mean to. That it just happened."

"It did just happen. I didn't mean for it to but it did and I am so sorry. How come you never said anything?"

"I was hoping you'd finally tell me the truth. Guess I was wrong."

"Chris, I swear I never meant to hurt you. You are the one I love and the only one for me."

"But you couldn't keep it in your pants so you went to Kim right? Matt, I wanted so bad for our marriage to work out. I thought when you left, you wanted to work things out, not jump into some girl's bed."

"I'm a jerk, believe me I know. But let's not that end us, end what we have," he said pulling me close so that his lips were right on top of mine. "Please, don't say this is it for us."

I couldn't look into his eyes, that was the sure fire way to make me melt and he knew that. I looked down, "I don't know what this means for us. Not anymore. You've been with someone else and that is always going to be in my mind..." I was cut off by Matt kissing me deeply. "Matt..." I said when he pulled away.

"You can't deny there was something in that kiss," he said. He ran his fingers up my arm to the straps of my dress. "Can you still say you don't want to be with me?"

Matt was right, that kiss, that was the most passionate one I had from him in the longest time. I touched his cheek gently, "Matt, I want you so badly right now."

A smile crossed his face immediately as he kissed me again pushing me onto the bed. Within seconds he had discarded both his and my clothes, throwing them in different spots on the floor. I looked up into his eyes and saw such love in them, the same love I saw when we first said we loved each other.

I felt Matt in me as he ran his hands all over my body. It was like our wedding night all over again. "I love you so much," he said one more time before he collapsed on me. He rolled off of me and

smiled, "I really have missed that."

I ran my fingers up and down his chest, "I've missed us like that too."

"I really do want us to work. We've been married for four years now, I don't want it to end," he said once we both managed to catch our breaths.

I rested up on my arm to look at him, "I don't want us to end either. But Matt, that means you can't keep running out every time we have an argument. We're married, it's normal for that to happen with us."

Matt nodded as nuzzled my neck and then kissing it and making sure he didn't leave one part of my body untouched by his lips.