Chapter VI - To Make Him Smile

2.4K 113 53
                                    

You averted your eyes away from him and you chewed on your lower lip. You drew in a long, silent inhale then exhaled the nervousness that had accumulated in your chest in quite a short amount of time. "You..." you could feel the dryness on the roof of your mouth, "you do have someone in your heart. Don't you?"

From the very corner of your eye, you could see him raising his head just slightly, eyes no longer fixed to the ground. He tilted his head to look at you and you suddenly became aware of his lilac-hued orbs staring at the profile of your face. You felt it... you didn't even have to stare back in order to see it; his look was intense, yet somehow... perturbed. You heard him take a shallow breath. "How..?" he whispered.

You blinked, fiddling with your fingers over your lap before linking them together in a nervous lock, and you turned your head hesitantly to meet Zero's gaze: "I..." you breathed, your voice a note higher than a whisper, "I could tell... from looking at your face."

To anybody else who would look at Zero's facial expression at that moment would find nothing but an impassive look written over a naturally pallid face. But you knew better than that; You could easily tell that he was in fact surprised by your statement, for he had thought that the faceless wall that he had built around himself was opaque enough to camouflage the vulnerability within. The realization that you, a newcomer, were able to see through that thick wall and analyze how emotionally damaged he was scared him. Could other people see that too? Or was it just you? Other people would see him and move out of his way; they were most likely deceived by the hard look he always wore on his face. But you didn't run, despite your insecurities which both of you knew about. You didn't avoid him, but on the contrary were drawn closer to him for reasons that exceeded your knowledge. Perhaps, you were one of the very few people who were nonjudgmental enough to try and see the human behind the cold mask. Zero wasn't sure how to feel about that fact. Should he shatter that wall which has failed to serve its purpose, or should he work on building a thicker wall, an impenetrable fortress that even you could not perforate?

His eyes rolled and slowly drew their attention from you toward the grassy ground while his head tilted back to its previous position, looking low and laden. He released a leaden sigh, as if to discharge a hefty burden that has weighed heavily with him. How many years has it been with this excruciating pain eating away at his heart?

He huffed, while shaking his head pliantly: "By looking at my face, huh?" He spoke quietly while drawing a bitter smile on his lips.

"I... I'm sorry." Your very core trembled. Maybe you shouldn't have said anything, you concluded... maybe you shouldn't have asked about his personal life in the first place. But you had not known, really. You had had no idea.

"It doesn't matter anymore." He was quick to reply. He squared his shoulders, leaning his back on the backrest of the bench while keeping a straight look on his face. "It's all in the past now."

"I see." You nodded slowly. You took a shy glimpse of the young man who sat mere inches away from you and you couldn't but worry about him. He was clearly trying to forget a hurtful past by living as a person so different from the man that he is, a person who's cold and apathetic. A life of pretense he was living, feigning detachment from everything and everyone linked to his past, even to his present and future. That – in your eyes – was injustice. Injustice brought about by Zero himself, against himself. He deserved better.

"Are you okay?" You asked him.

Zero crossed his arms in front of his chest: "I'm fine." He bit his lip while looking at the trees in the distance. "It's just that..." he muttered but quickly sealed his lips again.

"Zero..."

"I sometimes ask myself... what exactly do I feel? Is it resentment against her, or..." his eyebrows furrowed slightly, "or resentment against... myself?"

Free My Heart (Zero Kiryu x Reader)Where stories live. Discover now