Hating You Sweetly

23. Awestruck Answer

Sorry it's been so long. I've been working on getting my works copyrighted. Everything is coming together nicely. Thank you all for the support. Hope you enjoy.

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Chris' POV

Today was Christmas Eve and the house was dead silent. Ironically dead.

I was just so exhausted, physically and emotionally. My life was such a mess. It was unfair, no God was unfair. Why was he letting this happen to me? What did I do to deserve such a crappy life?

I did and said everything I could to get Laura back and she still didn't want me. She couldn't forgive me, couldn't love me. I regret leaving every day. Things would be so different right now.

I felt like I needed her. She was holding me together and keeping me from drowning.

I clawed through my scalp but that still didn't fade out the memories. Why did I feel this way about her? It was a strong feeling, pulling me down and making me vulnerable. I hated it.

If she wouldn't let me make her happy she at least deserved better than that asshole boyfriend.

Ahhh, God I wish things were different. I wish she'd let herself be with me. I truly believed we belonged together. I knew she felt it too. Why was she denying herself? We could be so happy together. So why?

Her words were still stuck in my head, playing over and over again. What did she even mean?  She said she couldn't give me what I needed. All I needed was her. That's it.

Maybe God was punishing me. He gave me a taste of something I'd eternally yearn for then not let me have it. It was cruel and torturous and I was in agony.

I wanted to forget about her. I needed something to distract myself with. But every time I thought of using another girl to help me forget her, flashes of Laura would consume my thoughts. I couldn't do that to her.

Why God? Why does this keep happening to me? Why can't I ever be happy, or content at least?

I blamed God. He took my father away then my granddad and now Laura. He wants me to be miserable.

I was mad and hurt. I felt like I had needles puncturing every fiber in my body. I was bleeding out and there was nothing to stop it. Soon there would be nothing; nothing left of me.

My father didn't deserve to die and I didn't deserve to live fatherless. What did it accomplish, killing a good man?

Huh God? What good, what purpose came from taking my father away from me?

My father had cancer.

There was a tiny voice at the back of my head reminding me of my career path. I wanted to be a lawyer growing up but once my father died I decided to be a research doctor.

I was so bent up on finding a cure for cancer. I never wanted any one to go through what I did. Watching my father get weaker and weaker each day made me feel so helpless.

I thought of all the people I helped with my research. In a sense I gave them hope.

I wouldn't have been able to help them if my father hadn't died. I would probably be in a courtroom right now as a lawyer.

Things happen for a reason my father always said.

Maybe that's what Laura meant. I needed to figure things out with myself and God before I could do anything else.

I was lost for so long and I just needed to be found.

Laura's POV