Hating You Sweetly

20. Needing You Now

I realized the last chapter was really short and with all your love and support I knew I owed you more. So here is another chapter. Enjoy.

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Chris' POV 

It felt like the day was dragging along because my thoughts were eating away at me. I knew I was pushing it too far with Laura. I knew yet I couldn't help myself. Since the moment I got back and saw her all I wanted to do was pull her in my arms and feel her soft lips against mine. I wanted to feel the sweet sensation of heat and longing from our time spent apart. 

I thought I would get over her. I thought it was all just lust from a broken, sick dream. But it wasn't. It was all real and the emotions flowing in my body wouldn't let me forget it. 

I found myself alone in the hospital room. Granddad was still asleep but I heard he was up and talking earlier this morning. That was good. At least that was something to smile about. 

"Chris," a weak voice made me look up from my hands. 

Granddad was smiling at me. "Hey old man, up from your slumber?  You gave us quite a scare."

"The risks of being my age." He joked. I always liked to believe I got my sense of humor from him. 

"How do you feel granddad?"

He gave me a weak smile and signed. "Like I'm dying."

"You're not dying. You're just exhausted." I hated when he talked about death so lightly. 

"No, my boy. I'm dying."

I wanted to protest but once he gave me that stern, unquestionable look I knew I couldn't go farther.

"There's no point in sugar coating it. I know I don't have much time left."

"Unless we find you a new heart," I said hopeful.

He shook his head. "No. I don't want that heart wasted on me. I lived my good life. I've loved and have been loved in return." He raised his hand to my face. "I have been blessed and forgiven when I knew I did not deserve it."

"Granddad please don't talk like that." I didn't want to think about losing him. Not now. 

"I know it's been hard for you Chris. Your father's death broke a part of you and you've been lost ever since."

How did he know? I thought I was hiding that part of me good enough. Well Laura noticed too. 

"Don't give up granddad. Please. I can't lose you too." I hadn't realized I had tears in my eyes till he brushed them aside with his thumb.

"Chris, my sweet troubled boy." He always saw through me. No matter how hard I tried to mask it. "Life is not meant to be easy. You know this better than any. There should be no time for hate or regret. For when a man is in despair that means he still believes in something." 

Despair. I was in agony. I've been beating myself up for so long. Despair couldn't even compare to what I felt. 

"I believe you can get better."

"Don't, " he softly whispered. "It's my time Chris. I can feel it. It's almost time for me to see your father again."

Why was he doing this to me?  Torturing me with his talk of death. 

Was God punishing me? What did I do to deserve this?  To lose two people I loved. I didn't want to bear it again. I felt destroyed last time. But I knew, deep down that if I had to go through that again I'd be ok.