The broken Horse.

The guilt...the guilt that was eating away at me...

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That morning I woke up extra early so I could go to the stables to see how Hugo was getting on.

Greg the vet came round to stables to check on Hugo again and he said that his legs were healing quicker than expected and there would be no permanent damage as far as he could see. On Friday we were travelling to Wales Hugo and I to go to his first session of physio therapy to just double check that the joints and muscles in his legs were just as strong as the were before the accident!

Today was Monday, Monday 1st May. A brand new start to a brand new month, it was a fresh start, three weeks ago I was in hospital and we were still in doubt if Hugo would make it, three weeks on Hugo can walk for about 10 minutes un-aided and was able to be ridden at a walk, a clean start a this time we wasn't going to rush in to things taking it slow and being 100% positive through the pain was my aim for Hugo and I.

After I finished grooming Hugo I wheeled over to the tack box in the corner and got out his baby blue head collar and lead rope, he had got used to the fact that because of the accident I was a lot lower down so now when I went to put his head collar over his head he put his head down onto the wheel chair arm for me, to be able to reach his head. Smiling at him I put on his head collar and lead him out of the stall, the track down to the bottom field was bumpy and was difficult with the wheelchair, but considering I was holding Hugo in one hand and wheeling the darn chair with the other, for a first we did pretty good considering the circumstances!

I untied his head collar, before letting him loose into the field. I sat there and for fist time since the accident I was happy, I was peaceful. It felt like the world's weight had been lifted of of my shoulders, I smiled to myself, It was the greatest gift in the world knowing my horse, my Hugo was safe and well again. I watched as he walked with his head close to the ground, he pawed at the ground before taking a few steps closer and taking a long drink from the creek, the wind made my hair blow out behind me like a fan. It was such a perfect moment, from that of one you would see in a film;....the old creek's water rippled from the light breeze, the horses grazed with their mains and tails blowing in the wind slightly, the gentle autumn leaves fell to the ground, the tree's branches waved in the wind...they almost looked naked without their autumn leaves.

Sighing I started to wheel myself slowly back to the gate of the field...wait...I locked the gate didn't I?! I squinted into the distance...I was to far into the field to see the gate. The birds had stopped their song, all was silent apart from a faint drumming sound, it sounded like metal hitting the ground repeatedly over and over, it was a peculiar sound..but whatever it was, it was to far away to hear clear enough. Great...I was in the middle of nowhere...defenseless, and alone in a field of horses and might get charged if I don't get out of the field!

I spun the wheel of the chair on one side, trying to turn myself round, the chair refused to move, I tried again, unsuccessfully..the chair was caught somehow... I tried once more, getting frustrated my face burned red, and the wind was whipping at my hair making it impossible to see what I was doing. The wheel got stuck and toppled sideways, I screamed out...I hit the ground landing on my side..I screamed out in pain.

Tears spilled out of my eyes, I was well and truly stuck on my side in pain, in the middle of a 10 acre field with a bunch of horses. If i could just reach my phone I looked forward and there my phone was, it lay about half a metre away from me, it had fallen out of my pocket when I fell from the chair. The chair was on it's side next to me, I stretched out my arm as far as I could without injuring myself, my fingers skimmed the edge of my phone.. I was almost there, but I couldn't get a good enough grip on it.

Seeing as I couldn't feel anything from neck down I was in no pain. But I wouldn't be surprised if I had really hurt myself yet again when I fell. I could even do the slightest thing without hurting myself, My life was different now, my life changed forever the second I made that choice to do the jump that so so many people had been injured, even killed on. I took a risk that I would regret for the rest of my life, I would regret that choice I made, every day..every hour...even every second! No matter where I was or what I was doing it would always be on my mind, if not being thought about it would stay in my sub conscience, every minute of every day I would continue to torture myself, asking why? why did I rush into things with Hugo, when he wasn't ready? Why I thought I would be okay to make that jump? Why I chose those risks was a question that would never be answered, it would always be a mystery.

That sound was still going, it was getting louder...wait I know that sound! It was hooves, horses hooves pounding at the ground as they galloped, their Maine's splayed out behind them in the wind. I turned my head slightly, All I saw looked like the herd, "NOOO!" I screamed the herd was galloping towards me, and if I didn't move quick enough I would surely die from being trampled by about 50 horses. I would be crushed to death. A piercing sound filled the air, it sounded like a whistle... I couldn't see, the sun beat down on my face making it impossible to see far. I squinted into the distance, it looked like a man,... he horse had stopped in mid gallop..they listened to the man with the whistle, he blew on it again, they started to walk towards him, all of them. I recognised this technique from my auntie, it's called horse whispering and to be able to do it you have to connect with the horses. So this is this is the person who's saved me, who's going to come and help back up into the chair.

The only thing is..he can save me from being trampled, and help back to the stables.

But he can't save me from the guilt....the guilt... that was eating away at me, the dread, the grief. The world's weight was on my shoulders....once again.

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-Maiaa<3