I'll Never Be The Same

Chapter 3

My fingers curl around the cold steel handle. The blade shines in the room light. I narrow my eyes as I bring the knife to my shoulder. I relax my hand, but it becomes uncontrollable with shivers. Images of what I’m going to have to do flash through my mind. My bottom lip quivers, as tears roll down my pale cheeks. I don’t think I could do this…

I shut my eyes tight, trying to block out everything. It doesn’t work. My knees buckle beneath me, and I fall to the lino. I sob, my chest heaving. I cry for a while, my eyes getting blotchy and a lemon forms in my throat.

I just sit there, weeping. I shudder as a cold hand rests on my shoulder. My head darts up, looking for who just touched my shoulder. A familiar face is before me.

“I think we should wait until tomorrow for training. We don’t want you to get to fed up.” A soft voice whispers in my ear. Aaron’s voice. I nod slowly and get myself of the floor. My face feels bloated, and my eyes sting.

~

I go to bed hungry, thinking about what will be starting tomorrow.

I try to think of the bright side of this. But nothing comes to mind. Maybe, it could be that I will finally get some money, so that I can actually afford some food? But I still have to murder someone. Nothing will be able to take that away from me.

I lie down on the thin canvas mattress that belongs to me, and pull the cotton sheet over my shivering body.

Footsteps come into my room, and a tall figure looms before me.

“Night Silvia…” Aaron whispers, and kisses me on the forehead.

I smile at him, “Night Aaron.  I love you…” I whisper back, and I feel the presence of his smile.

“I love you too…”

~

I jolt awake, sweat beading my forehead, and the sheet sticks to me like a limpet.

My chest heaves as I gasp for air.

…The most horrifying images going through my mind…

I jump out of bed, panting. I walk over to my brother’s bed and shake him.

“Aaron, wake up. I had a really bad dream.” I say, just above a whisper.

He turns in his bed, mumbling something slurred.

“Aaron, wake up.” I say louder this time. He groans as he sits up.

“What is it?” Aaron says in a sleepy tone.

“I-I had a bad dream…” I stutter. He smiles solemnly, and sits up, patting an empty spot of the bed next to him.

I take a seat down, and snuggle into his shoulder.

“It’s going to be ok, everything will be okay.” He says comfortingly.

I sit up straight. “Nothing is going to be the same, ever. And I want you to…” I pause. “I want you to never forget the real me, the real me that will be hidden under a mask of pain. I can’t have you forget the sister you grew up with, the sister that was here with you when our parents were taken away. You can’t forget that person, can you promise that for me?” I ask pleadingly with puppy dog eyes.

Tears form behind Aarons eyes. He nods a couple of times, and then brings me into a hug.

“I’m so sorry that this happened to you Silvia. I will never forget the real you…” He says, his voice cracking at the end.

I hug Aaron tighter. “Good.”

And I fall asleep in his warm arms…