Well, number one I honestly don't know if you all read my stories or not. Number 2, this book is just full of the darkness that is my mind. Number 3, IT MAY BE TRIGGERING, so read at your own risk. Number 4, I don't know if you all will even bother...
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PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE BELOW IT IS VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's sad to think that I have reached the point in my life where the majority of the time I feel numb, that I'm always clinging to my husband like he is going to die any second, to believe that my parents never really cared at all. To be a bisexual girl who all she wants in life is to succeed and feel supported by my parents, but no besides my loving caring husband I feel alone. You know its funny, when I was little I hated getting a scrape or cut or bruise, but now that I'm older I cling to a razor blade like its an old friend. I purposely starve myself to get skinny like people I see in magazines. I have never even experienced what its like to be with a girl in the way I am with guys even though I'm attracted to both equally, only because I have always been afraid to be disowned by my "supportive" parents.
I have social anxiety, depression, eating disorder, mild OCD, suicidal thoughts, bipolar disorder, and I self harm; some people think I'm crazy but I just think its normal. I have gotten so use to forcing a smile and saying "I'm okay", "I'm fine","I'm cold", "I'm tired" that it all seems natural by now. I have attempted suicide off and on since I was in Elementary School, I have been bullied even longer than that, I have been emotionally abused, and honestly I believe that I deserve it. I don't even know why I'm still alive. Even now I am wanting to cut.
I promised my husband at one point that I would stop, it would break him if he knew I wasn't strong enough to keep that promise. I can't tell him though, he would be so disappointed and upset. I'm slowly running out of strength to fight, even right now the voices are so loud.
A/N: This is personal experience, like a diary I guess. I decided to let you all in to what I am feeling everyday. Maybe doing this will help me get back in to writing stories again. Please drop Comments, Vote, Share. Let me know if you like it. Also, ask me any questions you wish and I will answer them with several page dedications. So some will be diary entries and others will be questions answered. With the question pages I will include the dedication as the title and the question included in the story part. Yes, I know I should probably get help, but honestly writing like this helps me more than anything so try and keep comments nice. Thanks!
