Dreams of Camren

Change of heart

Camila loved drinking, it wasn't out of control and she only drank a couple times a month when she was home relaxing with her family or out with a couple friends. Lauren on the other hand hated, totally despised drinkers and drinking. Lauren loved her girlfriend, she knew even before they were together Camila loved to drink but she loved her nonetheless. Camila felt guilty knowing how Lauren hated it but it wasn't like she did it all the time and she was never irresponsible about it so she continued through the first couple of months they were dating. Camila never lied to Lauren about her drinking habits she even told her every time she would have a drink, eventually it got to Camila and she tried to stop drinking for Lauren. Camila loved Lauren with all her heart, she made her want to not only be a better person she also made her want to be the best person she could be. Camila gave up drinking for a few months for Lauren, she never told Lauren because she didn't want to upset her but, Camila really missed drinking. One night Camila decided she wanted to drink and try a new beer so she did. She was at home alone on Skype with Lauren, she was back home in Miami while Camila was in California, she told her she wanted to try it and she did. Lauren was upset and angry about it she decided to tell Camila goodnight. Camila was angry, she accepted Lauren for everything she did even if she didn't like it but because she loved her she never wanted to stop her from doing the things she liked. Camila sat there thinking and drinking repeating Lauren's words in her head "just don't get drunk" she thought to herself 'so what if i got drunk? i'm home safe nothing is going to happen if she was worried about me cheating no one is around to cheat with, no like i would anyway.' Camila sat there drinking and thinking before she realized it she was on her fourth beer and beyond irritated, she was starring at Lauren sleep her mind was having an internal battle with itself. "She hates when you drink, she doesn't ask much of you so why don't you just give this up for her you selfish bitch" she thought then her mind countered with "I am fine the way i am, she loves me so she should love me regardless if i drink or get drunk it's not like it happens all the time." Camila went back and forth for a long while still drinking and thinking she lost count after 5 beers, she got to a point when her thoughts went to the worst part of her "what if she leaves me... what if she gets tired of my drinking along with the rest of me?" she thought out loud. Camila ran her hand through her messy hair watching the love of her life sleep so peacefully and so innocently "Shes perfect, how can someone else not see that?...She going to realize you are nothing special soon just like everyone else did.." Her thoughts went ram-pied and not long after she was in tears the bottles long forgotten while she sat curled in a ball on her bed.

Lauren on the other side of the country stirred as she hear sniffling and soft crying fill her ear she rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she turned to her lover on the computer screen to see her back facing the camera and her body shaking. Not only did her heart ache but she felt sick to her stomach she hated to see her baby cry, she wanted nothing more than to kiss and wipe the tears away. She remembered before she fell asleep Camz was drinking, she was rushed with anger but also pain because Camila was crying she needed to figure out why.

"Babe?.." she said softly no sign of Camila listening so she tried again "Camz" it came out a little harsher than her expected. Camila heard her that time, her whole body cringed when she heard Lauren's harsh voice echo through her room. Lauren noticed her change immediately so she tried to talk softer. "Baby are you okay?" she watcher her girlfriend like a hawk waiting for her response. "Yes.." Camila cursed herself when she heard the cracks in her voice, she heard Lauren shifting on the other side, sitting up most likely. Lauren sighed "Babe I know you're lying so stop it and talk to me" she watched her intently Camila just started to shake even more, she made no sounds but Lauren knew she was crying even harder. Lauren was getting irritated but was trying to keep her cool. "Camila turn around and talk to me, what is the matter?" Camila still under the power of the alcohol got angry and upset when she heard Lauren say her full name she never said her full name unless it was during sex or she was angry and Camila could only guess it was the latter. 

Camila sat up in a swift angry motion she got a little dizzy but pushed it aside so she wouldn't seem weak. "Nothing is wrong Lauren. Just go back to sleep. I'm fine." As Lauren looked over her lover heartache washed over her, there Camila was puffy eyed, messy hair, tear stained cheeks 'what made her so upset' she thought. In the same moment Camila watched as Lauren's eyes went softer "Baby please tell me whats wrong princess, did something happen? Did i do something to upset you? Talk to me baby" Camila broke down and buried her head in her hands. " I am no good for you. I drink, i want to try all kinds of drugs just to try them, before we were together I slept around... i want to do all the things you hate. I am nothing but a pain to you. I am no good i don't know why you are still with me. Once you realize this once you realize i am everything you hate you'll leave which i wouldn't blame you for.. I just--" Lauren's heart was breaking and shattering listening to the love of her life tear herself apart she was done listening to this. "Babe, i mean this in the most loving way possible. Shut up. I don't know where you got this from or why you are saying all of this but just shut up. Don't say anything like that ever again. I love you. Yes you love to do the thing i don't like but that doesn't matter to me honestly because I trust you. I trust you with all my heart, i am not leaving you, i don't ever want to. You are exactly the same person now that you were when we met and i still Fucking love you. Also you did not "sleep around" you have had sex with one person before me, one and that guy was a piece of crap. William did not deserve what you gave him in my opinion but that's besides the point. The point is I love you and all that makes you you, there is no one who could love me the way you do, you make me so happy, angry, loved, upset, special all at the same time. You are my stubborn beautiful pain in the ass. You are simply mine and i am yours so please no more crying just cuddles and kisses and soft i love yous through the night." Camila had finally stopped crying, laid down and was even softly snoring by the end of Lauren's speech. Lauren smiled and shook her head " I love you, I will always love and care for you no matter how drunk and upset you are. You are my sweet beautiful drunk mess. Camila i am so entirely in love with you, i hope you'll marry me when the time come" she spoke softly trying not to wake her sleeping girlfriend. Camila stirred a little and cuddled closer to the computer whispering a soft sleepy "i will" then starts a soft snore again. Lauren was surprised she heard but her heart fluttered nonetheless. Lauren kissed her baby settled back in bed and fell asleep dreaming of the perfect girl across the country who she loved more than anything.