The Girl in the Boys' Dorms

Chapter Twenty-Three: These broken shards of my selfish, hypocritical heart...

^ Dedicated to KhristineRicafrente for her amazing comment on the last chapter. It really made me smile, and thank you so much for all of the support!

The Girl in the Boys' Dorms - Chapter Twenty-Three: These broken shards of my selfish, hypocritical heart.

I smiled, teeth chattering slightly, as the glistening snowflakes tangled themselves into my hair. The air outside was cold and thick, like wading through a block of soft ice, and I had no sort of coat to cover my bare arms from the chill, but I didn’t care; it felt absolutely magnificent to be away from the bright, blazing spotlights of the stage, free from the bored, demanding stares of the audience. It was as though I’d shed five hundred pounds from my shoulders; it was like I’d broken out of the chains that had been binding me, forcing me to act like the flawless, charming person I’d tried to be in front of everyone.

Flurries clung onto the folds of my gown, dotting the midnight blue fabric like twinkling lights. There wasn’t much wind, but the light breeze still managed to ravage my skin, sucking whatever warmth I had left in my body away with it.

Butterflies still churned inside my stomach, but their effects had waned a little since the start of the first round. I was less nervous now, while the judges were discussing who would move on in the competition, than I had been before my interview with Principal Dennis. The hardest part was over, I didn’t have to present anymore, I didn’t have to appear like some perfect pageant girl; all I had to do was go back out there, hand in hand with Chase, and wait for them to either call my name or eliminate me.

Hand in hand with Chase.

I felt my insides freeze as this phrase flooded through me once again. And suddenly, I remembered the one event that I’d somehow managed to forget in my anxiety. He’d kissed me; actually pulled me against his chest, and planted his lips right onto mine. It had been fast, and I hadn’t been able to even reign in my thoughts, but I knew one thing - he’d tasted like sunshine, like autumn, like clouds, and like everything else good in life.

But I would never admit that to him.

“Bailey, what are you doing out here?”

I looked up just as a figure emerged from the doorway, stepping out into the courtyard. I saw someone pull the collar of their jacket tighter around their neck, swiveling their head back and forth between the backstage area behind him, and me. Apparently, he decided that I was more important than the wondrous heat encased there, because he sighed once, and then jogged over to where I was, pausing just a foot from where I was standing.

There he was, hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans, brows scrunched against the onslaught of snow; Evan Hanover. He offered me a small grin, which didn’t seem to reach his gentle, sapphire blue eyes. Tiny bits of white ice were latched onto his lashes, like sparkling dust, and when he blinked, they reflected silver in his irises.

“Bailey,” he repeated, his voice careful and quiet, “what are you doing out here?”

“I - um,” I stammered, feeling the blush already creeping into my cheeks. The memory of my kiss with Chase was still fresh in my mind, still causing waves of guilt to crash over me as I spoke to Evan. “Principal Dennis gave us ten minutes to relax, while the judges make their decisions - their, uh, their decisions on who to keep, and who to remove.”

Evan chuckled, which managed to lift my spirits. “I know that. But why are you out here, out in the snow?”

“Oh,” I breathed, the tense atmosphere between us seeming to thin slightly, but not enough so that I was completely comfortable with him again. “I’ve always loved the snow. When it comes, everything is covered in white, like the wrapping paper on top of a present, or something. Then when it clears up… everything seems new, clean, fresh.” I finished, opening my palms to the snowflakes, watching them melt into puddles on my skin.  

"Like the wrapping paper on top of a present," Evan echoed my words, and I risked a glance up at him; rather than mockery on his handsome face, there was an amused and slightly awed grin curling his lips. "You really are something, aren't you, Bailey Underwood?" He mused, dragging his thumb gently across my cheek, where I knew an outrageous blush was brewing. 

And as his fingers drifted into the damp strands of my black hair, I felt a torrential downpour of guilt wash all over me. Here I'd been, thinking about how much I had liked the kiss with Chase, how he'd tasted like summer, how it almost hadn't felt like pretending when his mouth was on mine -and I'd all but dismissed Evan from my brain. As I recalled the incident in my mind, I felt my chest clench in frustration. He'd been in the audience, watching with everyone else, witnessing the whole thing, probably wondering what a mistake it had been to ever try to become more than friends with me; and what had I been doing? 

Kissing Chase Gold. 

But as I mulled these thoughts over, another question unearthed itself, and I felt confusion bubble up inside of me. Why wasn't Evan angry? He was coasting along like nothing had happened, like we were still how we had been this morning. He wasn't even the least bit upset. 

Before I could ask, though, the answer presented itself, in the form of Evan murmuring in my ear, "Hey, I know it was all fake, alright? It's okay, though. I understand that you have to go along with it sometimes." 

Of course. He already knew about our act. 

I was about to reply, when an earsplitting shriek tore through the calm atmosphere, the female voice filled with nothing but utter excitement. "Evan! Babe, I'm here! Evan, baby, it's me, Kendall.”

And in that moment, time seemed to lapse into a painful crawl, everything happening in excruciating slow motion. Evan's eyes widened to the size of saucers, his jaw dropping so quick, I was surprised it didn't slam the ground; he whirled his head around to where the shouting had come from, to the door that led into the backstage area. Standing there, draped in a scarlet gown that started from her collarbones and swept the floor around her toes, was the owner of the shouting. Her blonde hair was pulled to one side, falling over her shoulder in thick, silky waves; and hanging from her one exposed ear, dangling so that it was almost the length of her neck, was the single most expensive-looking piece of jewelry I had ever seen. 

Kendall. 

The girl Evan's parents wanted him to date. The one he'd told me he didn't want to have to deal with. The person he said he had broken up with ages ago, because she was a joke to him. 

But she was here now. And she'd called him babe. 

She waved, bouncing on the skyscraper-worthy heels of her pumps, when Evan faced her. An expression of sheer relatedness crossing her pretty features, she motioned for him to go over to her, still screeching all the while, "Evan! Come here!” 

He turned to me for a brief second, shooting me the most apologetic of looks, and then jogged to where she was. He didn't hesitate even to humor me, and wasted not a minute in embracing her; her cheek pressed itself against his chest, her arms snaking around his waist. 

And when he bent his neck to whisper something into her diamond-clad ear, I felt my heart shatter just a little bit, the broken shards now piercing into my lungs, so that I was left breathless. 

I knew I was being the biggest, most selfish hypocrite on the planet, but the furious, uncomfortable knot that my insides coiled into at the sight of them, was something I couldn’t ignore.  

***And that was chapter twenty-three. I'm sorry it took so long to update, but I got it up finally! I hope it was good, though, so make sure to tell me what you think of it :) By the way, those of you who were kind enough to understand my situation and why I couldn't upload fast, thanks so much. I really appreciate the support. I love you all! Comment with your thoughts, vote if you liked it, and follow if you loved it.***