Where Is Your Boy Tonight? (He Killed Himself)

I Hate My Weaknesses (They Made Me Who I Am)

A/N: If you skipped the summary, please note this story has some hella triggering content in it. That includes:

Eating disorders

Self-harm

Suicide mentions

All those will be in every chapter just saying it now.

Title from frnkiero andthe cellebration's "Joyriding"

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Monday...

Ashlynn sat down at the lunch table across from Ruby and next to Lori. Joshua wasn't there yet as he went to the line with the most people.

"Ashlynn, where's your lunch?" Lori inquired after swallowing a bite of her "chicken" sandwich.

"I ran out of money and forgot to tell my dad, whoops." Ashlynn shrugged and made a face, causing Ruby to laugh.

"Here," Lori picked up her apple and handed it to Ashlynn. Ruby followed suit.

"Oh, no, please, I don't want you guys to eat less because of my dumb mistake." Ashlynn put her hands up in defence.

Joshua sat down heavily next to Ruby.

"Is Troye here today?" Ashlynn asked, hoping to change the subject.

"No, he texted me this morning, he's sick." Ruby answered. "He'll be back tomorrow I think..." She trailed off in thought.

Ashlynn nodded and took out her tiny sketch pad and pencil from the inside pocket of her jacket then placed them on the table. She opened up to the next blank page to draw something, then realized she had no inspiration. She looked up to her friends. "Hey, what should I draw?"

"A dick." Lori immediately said.

"Even better: Pete Wentz's dick!" Ruby countered. Ashlynn shivered.

"Ryan and Brendon in the milk fic." Joshua suggested.

"Y'all are foken' nasty, y'know that?" Ashlynn crossed her arms. "Why did I even bother asking you guys?" She slumped over her sketch pad again with pencil in hand.

She sat in thought for a moment then started drawing a familiar character. The character ended up having sunken eyes and hollowed cheeks. Herself. She wrote the lyric from the song that she was inspired by. "I won't sleep tonight as long as I still hear the drums of the city rain" She wrote it in that creepily neat handwriting she always did when she drew something that went with lyrics.

"Hey, Ashlynn," Lori began. Ashlynn hummed in response as she looked up. "You doin' alright?" Lori inquired.

Ashlynn merely shrugged. "I mean I'm not doin' awful but I've had better days." She laughed.

Ruby gave into a few hearty laughs. "You can say that again!" Ashlynn grinned wildly in response.

Lori's voice dropped to a whisper so that only Ashlynn could hear. "If something's up, you can tell me, alright?" Ashlynn nodded.

"Okay! So let me tell youuuuu about this sleazy mother fucker in Dragon Age:" Ruby began to ramble about Solas and how he's betrayed her so many times. Ashlynn continued to doodle in her sketch pad until the bell rang and the group split up to go to their separate classes.

Ashlynn put down her binder and books on the art table she sits at and sat down heavily with a sigh. Rose placed her binder and books at her seat and sat down.

"Hey Ashlynn, what's up?" Rose smiled.

Ashlynn groaned. "I am ready for death." She responded in the most "not-serious" tone she could muster. But in reality, she totally was.