Dorm Room 210 [Original]

Dorm Room 210: Lovers

A/n: Updated and edited on the 3rd October 2019

Instagram: Broken_Dream07

Chapter 26:

Lovers

I mostly stay in bed with my phone, not having the energy to sketch or hang with Stacy to paint and draw. She seems content with leaving me in my room, only coming in to make sure I have taken the time to eat and drink. I tell her I'm thinking of booking to see Mahla again, which she responds with a positive, "Okay, if that's going to help."

That evening I do. In two weeks she's available; fresh into October, and a few days after Noah's birthday.

The numbers on my missed calls and unread texts have grown since Noah's departure, mostly from Nicole and Rachel, and a few from Raven himself. Jesse sent me a quick text to ask if he could have my room, which gave me a good chuckle to myself. Still I haven't replied.

As I lie on my bed in semi-darkness, recalling the fight over and over again, my mind starts to play with me, like an old trick up the sleeve kind. I know how this goes, and I know the steps to stop it, to control my mind again. Instead, I watch the scene play out like a tragedy taken from the most depressing movies made; we fight, we yell, and I scream and push him away, and watch him drive away, only to get a call hours later that there's been a car accident and there's only one survivor before getting that apology that he didn't make it...

Something is chocking me. I can't breathe - I can't breathe...

Stop, stop, stop!

Too much. The images burn too strong for me to handle. I thought I had control over my thoughts and the scenes that play out, but I'm too vulnerable to stand my ground and protect my mind. My bed feels like a boat now, struggling to stay afloat with all this weight on it.

I don't cry like I usually would with panic attacks, I only stare into the darkness swimming around my room, the reality dawning on me: I don't want to live a life without him in it; I love him too much to let this fight come between us.

I book a ride back to campus on Monday. The weekend went by in a blink, but so much of that was covered in overanalysing and obsessive thoughts that carried into my dreams. I hadn't known why I was so emotional to begin with, but I woke up to my period, and the pieces fell together.

"You sure you're okay?" Stacy asks, using her crutches to get her to the front door to see me out.

I nod with confidence. "I needed the time to..." I pause. "I needed time to myself."

"After everything that's happened, I don't blame you." She brushes her blonde hair away from her face, dry paint on her hands. "The door is always open for you if you ever need more time."

"Thanks, aunty." I carefully wrap my arms around her. "You sure you're going to be fine?"

"I have one of my girlfriends coming in to check up on me today. We'll probably sit around and paint all day." She kisses my cheek. "Take it easy when you go visit Mahla, okay?"

The taxi pulls up near the house, and I make sure to have my phone and keys on me before saying, "I know what I want to say to her. I think this time it should be fine."

Noah's not at the dorm when I arrive, but the sun is out and spring is in full bloom. Why would he stay inside?

I take my time getting myself out my self-pity bubble and focus on putting together individual fabrics for one of the pieces. It takes me two hours with a few pricks here and there from hand-stitching some on. It's a perfect distraction - if only the cramps stops being an inconvenience.